Jhavelina Hashers

This picture is Poppa Don't Peek and his lady, Roxy. The second one is, from left, I Love Fat Chicks, Deep Dish and Sexortionist, with Is It In Yet's (3IY's) arm in the foreground. The last one is a bartender inflating a condom on his cranium.

Tucson and jHavelina rock!

I arrived into Tucson on Friday, following slightly vague e-mail
instructions from Charlotte The Harlot about "hashy hour at the Meet
Rack."
Took my chances guessing on location as there was no sign, only an
oddly colored building.
Inside I was looking through pictures wondering if I found the right
place and spotted "I Love Fat Chicks'" (hereby referred to as Fatty)
face amongst others on the wall. I was immediately reassured, walking
around some more reading up on the eccentric former Ironman
ex_military prior owner (his liquor -poker?- license was revoked) who
changed his name to GOD (Party or Die!).
Wonder if he's walked on water too...
Ran into some hashers whom I never met and Bearded Clam, who told me
Fatty was on his way. Cool.
When Fatty arrived I talked to him for a tad, while he didn't really
recognize my voice (speech wasn't slurred yet?). Then he turned and
gave a quote for thhe ages (this age at least) of "What the fuck are
you doing here!?"
I went into my hashing world tour yap and he immediately offered his
place to stay (Kick ass!).
As the other hashers left, we sat and shot the shit (better than
dynamiting it) until we headed (who said head?) back to his spot to
clean up before going out again (to the meet rack) and drink cheap
beer and look at sorority girls.
I also got to meet two of the coolest dogs (dags) ever. Tika and Jake.
Jake had the look of coyote and the same wariness of strangers. I made
it my point to befriend him before the end of the week.

Saturday I woke up early but stayed in bed for a while before going
out. We all chilled in the pool and I get to Fatty's son (who came
over from his mother's) and had the pleasure of talking to the
Harriette in the house, Deep Dish.
An incredibly lovely gal, we all sat in the pool and had a couple
beers, discovering partway how much air they need to stand upside down
on the bottom of the pool (they floated like seaweed!).
The hash took place at 4, but Deep Dish had to work, so it was just me
and Fatty.
Getting there, who do I run into but 3IY (or Is It In Yet?) from Phoenix!
Trail itself was shiggyriffic (don't know anyone who didn't get cactus
in them at some point) with 2 water checks and a (far too late for my
tastes, but I didn't hare so can I really bitch?) beer check about 20
yards from the end.
They do things differently in Tucson, turning on flour, Decision
Points instead of checks, but I suspect I'll run into these variations
everywhere, so I just went with it.
They had a a lively circle and I won the end of trail nature quiz
(!??!) garnering an Odwalla bar (yum!).
The On-after was at Famous Sam' readily the most frightening place
I've yet been to, as I walked into the restroom to take a piss and ran
smack dab into a coke deal with a bunch of red-eyed Mexicans. One with
powder still dropping from his nose. They shouted at me to join them,
I politely declined. Fatty and I got the fuck out of there, leaving
behind the only remenants of our lively group, three virgins!
We cleaned up again, then (rather than risk center of town dui
checkpoints where the virgins had gone to) returned to the Meet Rack
where the newer bartender flashed us with large fake titties (no,
wait, that was Friday) on request.
Did meet with Poppa Don't Peek (who I met Vegas RDR) and his
girlfriend, who is about 4' 10-11, 95lbs and downright gorgeous. She
was also drunk off her rocker, saying "Hey!" like Pikachu says "PikaS
(but much cuter) and showing off her body in ways that wouldn't have
been allowed in most other bars!
We all took off, going to Poppa's place (where 3IY was staying) and
took in a show worthy of a private dance at a Vegas Strip club! Then
late night mexican food, more beer, go back to Fatty's and crash.
Woke up Sunday, something had bit my legs to hell overnight near my
ankles. Wore sandals instead as we went out to meet with other at No
Anchovies! for cheap beer and good pizza. There we watched the game
for a bit and the group split up with quite a few going next door to
Frog n' Frick's (Freakin' Frog 2.0?) instead.
Studmuffin and Sextortionist came and joined us shortly after and the
Tucson split that I had overheard at times became readily noticible.
Hash drama I have no business in, so I'll leave it at that (and to the
jhavelina's).
At that point, 3IY, Fatty, Deep Dish, Poppa, his girl Roxy, Stella,
the udderly bi-fella (who had joined us), Stud and Sex all went over
the the Yardhouse (gay bar) to kill time and shorten the distance to
some hotel bar where we watched George (the sole male bartender at
Meet Rack) play guitar in a jam band (Phish?).
Afterwards, as Roxy returned to, "Hey!" mode, we packed up and
finished the night at Fatty's, though Fatty himself was out of
commision at that point.
Pizza and beer, what a great way to finish up the weekend!
That and I also got Jake to jump up on me, which apparently this dog
just doesn't do to relative strangers. So get that, I'm good with
amininimals!
Just an amazing weekend, Tucson really threw up (er... out) the red
carpet for me from the moment I walked into town. Fatty and Deep Dish
especially!
Between here and Phoenix, if I only get half as much friendliness from
other hashes I run across, it'll still be a good time!
Monday morning I headed out towards El Paso, but stopped in Tombstone,
AZ to partake in the cash crop of the American Southwest. Drank where
Doc Holiday (Alcoholiday, Ph.D?) drank, and wandered around taking a
few pictures while avoiding the stuff they charged for while getting
some history from the costumed locals.
Drive seemed to take forever, stopped to see "The Thing!?" (glorified
mummy... felt sorry for it) and continued on until dark into Las
Cruces, staying at a Super 8 where I did some laundry in the sink.
Today I have arrived in El Paso, where the Border Jumper hash has a Wed pick-up.
I'm actually at a library near the start now. Hope their real website
has some contact info since I didn't see any on my mobile internet.
Will probably head (wsh?) North towards Alburquerque Thursday morning,
aiming to hit Colorado for Cinco De Mayo weekend.

Fwd: He's alive and healing well!

retry!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Alcoholiday <alcoholidayhhh@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:44:33 -0700
Subject: He's alive and healing well!
To: go@blogger.com

Signed Victor Victoria's cast today. Got to shoot the shite for a few
minutes while outside his office. His knee can already bend again and
most of the cast should be gone in a day or two. Never knew anyone
could recover so quickly from such nastiness. Amazing!
Mount n' Spread offered a trip to Payson where some PhoenixH3ers will
be cheering on My Name Is Chuck as he attempts a 50 miler (crazy
fuck!). I'm pondering it, but my wanderlust is starting to kick in and
I'm sensing Tucson for Sat.
Phoenix is a lot like Vegas, but it seems to be slightly more humid
and spread out.
...nifty.

Phoenix d'Hump

So, driving like a bat out of hell (out of purgatory), yesterday I
left Las Vegas heading (who said head?) East towards Phoenix.
I covered the 301 mile distance in a somewhat agreeable span of 5
hours. In between highway speeds of 80ish and small town diversions of
down to 35, agreeable is the term...
I arrived after the hares left, but while the pack was there. A quick
change in the bathroom and I was ready to go.
D'Hump definitely does things differently than a standard trail. Very
informal pick-up style, no religion. The most hash_like events
occurred on trail with both a boob check (yay!) and a 69 check (?).
We finished at a bar in Tempe where there were nickel miller lites
(beer?) and food.
Cost was a buck (a deer!) to offset the pickup flour.
Made my first away trade where I gave Mount n' Spread my Dirty Panties
t-shirt in exchange for a Tex-Mex one.
The hashpitality here is excellent! Plan on meeting with Victor
Victoria later today and designing a shirt logo for Is It In Yet.
Tomorrow's Tuscon (perhaps)!

LVHHH Canoe Trip 2008

The Pirates of the Colorado River have struck again, this time in a different direction! Heading (who said head?) downriver from our usual ending spot of Willow Beach, AZ we took an 8 mile paddle (truthfully a 4 mile paddle and a 4 mile tow) to a secluded cove just off of the river. The trip down was a zig-zagging affair with hashers getting used to controlling their paddle operated motion devices and taking breaks along the way to have water fights and create general chaos for chaos' sake (because if you don't do something for Chaos' sake, who will?).
The first heavy casualty occured early on however, when P.I.M.B.'s camera went overboard while attempting to procure frosty beverages for fellow canoers Pre-Whack and Kracka. (R.I.P. la photografia). Nevertheless, rum makes everything better (until the next morning) and the day moved on (on-on).
Arriving at the beach, there was set-up of camp, with everyone playing care to keep the heavy snorers at arms distance (to the best of their ability). And once that was done, drinking commenced until the arrival time of the 'Great P.O.T.A.T.'
Sneaky hare Special (Charleston Heston) Ed took off with Virgin Hare Hasher Jeff and they went over both hill and dale to lay a clever trail for the pack to follow.
Follow we did, except for one unfortunate hasher by the name of Victor Victoria (Victor2ia?) who shortcut his way off the side of a mountain. In what has been the scariest thing I've ever actually seen at a hash, he lost his battle against gravity and tumbled like a rag doll down the hill (more like a cliff) bouncing off outcroppings on his way down. Some of us called for help, some of us ran straight down, some of us ran back to the boat to prep it for rescue.
Fortunately our hasher bretheren was alive, laying at the bottom of the crevice. We'd find out the next day that an arm cast and 12 stitches later, our tough Canuk will be around to hash again!
With enough people standing around looking for ways to help (is 30 enough?), six of us LVHHH hashers decided that Mr. Victoria would want us to finish trail and we continued on the Great Planet Of The Apes Trail, discovering an ice cold beer check with glorious banana bread beer awaiting consumption. After a few (3) bottles shared amongst us, we took the rest in our bags and accepted that we were the only ones on trail. Continuing on we came across scenery that the word 'breathtaking' can only be an understatement. It was like being on another planet and I only wish more hashers could have shared in the amazing sights.
Coming down from the higher reaches of the trail (with more success than our good buddy), we arrived at the bottom of a ravine where a second beer check lay. Dark and thick like the oil of our cars (but much, much tastier!) we got an update from the hare that our fellow hasher was indeed on his way to the hospital and very much alive. With cheers to it all, we followed the ravine back into camp and prepared to eat a primo excellent (o?) shish-ka-bob dinner.
There was circle, I don't really remember it, but I was informed I was a bit of an ass, so to everyone I apologize. I should lay off the heavy booze (thinking) and focus on the moment. Cheers!

Sunday (Sunday, Sunday!) we returned up-river, getting towed by Hasher Jeff in his mighty sailboat of awesomeness (boat name: Nauti Buoy). We stopped for lunch in the same area we did before, but this time there was a trail led by the mighty Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Shit and the illustrious Koresh. For those willing to traverse the Eagle route, there was an outstanding view check and an incredibly long rendition of "I Used to Work in Chicago." It was worth doing, even in flip-flops! After which we had another circle and tied back on to the Nauti Buoy. Outside of a couple capsizes along the way, everyone made it safe and sound back to Willow Beach. We unloaded and headed (who said head?) back into town.

Beers and cheers to everyone who made this trip the true adventure it was. May next year's river trip continue the trend!

On-On