A week ago (this would be a Monday here in Southeast Asia), I forewent going to the Mother Hash. It sounds insane, I know. However, I got an invite from Chicken Shit (one of the many I met during Sukhothai) to instead attend his hash, the PJ Animals. We called up one of the Mother Hash's mismanagement to confirm I could still register for the 70th Anniversary, day-of, and took off to the PJ Animals.
Chicken Shit is (I think...) an Indian gentleman who sports an enthusiasm for the wilder side of hashing that is on par, or bests, many I've seen. He's someone who takes it to heart, and it shows on his upper right arm where he has a PJ Animals tattoo.
Wanting to represent properly, I wore my LVHHH shirt (a neon green one with the logo designed by Nut N Honey) and bandana. On the way there, Chicken Shit asked me if the shirt I wore was from a mixed hash, "of course." I replied.
Then I learned a little something about the PJ Animals.
You see, they are a men's only hash. Like a lot of men's hashes in Asia, no women are allowed. Unlike a lot of men's hashes, with the Animals I can actually understand why. They take the "no women" as the bible and integrate it into every part of their circle. Even mentioning the word gives you a down-down charge.
Let me tell you about those! The Animals have (I kid you not... er, I goat you not?) an Ice Throne. It's a stainless steel tub with a backrest, set on something akin to a barber shop chair's base. They keep the initial beers in it until circle, then remove the beer and add more ice and water until it's the kind of slushy holy fuck that -to quote- "Is just enough to numb the balls and frost the tip."
It's both intimidating and completely amazing at the same time.
During circle, I was called up to introduce myself. Using the typical "Vegas" style rev-you-up, I immediately went into "Ladie....sssssshit." and they immediately placed me on the Ice Throne while the RA repeated that the Animals do not allow mention of "unmentionables" in circle.
I got up again, introduced myself without a slip-up, and afterwards was informed that the PJ Animals is not just the best hash in the world, but "In the universe!"
Yes, "The best hash in the universe!" is pretty much the PJ Animals call sign. Whether you or I feel our hashes are the best is indifferent, they're buying the dictionary on this one.
So, anyways, I get plopped on the ice, they give me my visitor charge and as a first time Animals attendee, I had to stand in front of the RA who pointed out my mixed hash shirt. It is an offense to wear a mixed hash shirt at the PJ Animals men's only hash!
Wow, to the extreme!
They asked if I had another shirt, I said no.
They put me aside and called in Chicken Shit. How dare he invite a hasher and not inform him of the PJ Animals custom!? Charge! On the ice! Down-down!
Then I got put back in front of the RA. I was given my beer (Quite the full one too...) and told that I had to match or beat the previous record of 1.34 seconds on the down down, or they would add ice (from the dreaded throne?) to the beer and I would have to drink it all... eww...
What have I gotten myself into?
I recieved my song, I did my down-down and as the last drop passed my lips, I felt a sudden shock and rush of cold over my head and down my back. Those bastards had taken a bucket full of ice water and drenched me!
The RA told me to take off my shirt (bandana was already off) and I handed it to Chicken Shit.
He then presented me with a dry PJ Animals shirt and the statement, "The Animals offer you a cold shower, but a warm welcome."
Then, one by one, each member lined up and shook my hand, welcoming me.
It may be the most welcome I have ever felt at a hash other than my home. Not to put down any of the absolutely amazing chapters that I've run with, but the Animals provided one hell of a show and the fuss over my presence (I'm only going to assume every visitor gets the same treatment) was overwhelming.
This is one of those shirts that I will probably never wear on trail. I will treasure it and put it on afterwards (or at least during pub crawls where I won't be sweating as much).
Congrats to the PJ Animals, they officially deserve to call themselves "Men's Only" and have the true hash spirit!
Also, trail was pretty kick ass. Nothing quite like Penang, but good mountain biking stuff up and down a bloody hill.
As for me now, I'm in Singapore, having just finished hashing 4 times in as many days. I owe a lot of blogging and I plan on completing it while I recover in Indonesia for the next 3 days. Expect to read from me again then!
On-On!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
A Hash With Three Acts
Last night I attended my first hash in the Kuala Lumpur area of Malaysia. The (insert horns and drum roll here)... Royal Sengalor Hash House Harriers.
Started in 1938, this is one of the oldest hash chapters in existence, apparantly competing with the "Mother Hash" for that honor.
Of course, the Royal Sengalor Club is the home of the original Hash House, the one where the hash founders would grub down after trails. I did not get inside the actual club, and the original one has long ago burned down. Though, I hear one chapter is currently trying to raise the money to rebuild it.
Arriving by one of those bastard overcharging taxi's (35 ringiit for a trip that should've cost no more than 15), I had no choice as the first three drivers wouldn't even take me that far out of the center of town. It was either pay up, or miss trail. I have now set up rides for other hashes out here in which I wish to partake. Something I did almost immediately following my arrival yesterday at trail.
So, with those bad (bad, bad) tidings out of the way, I threw my bag in the beer wagon and joined up with the pack as trail started.
When I was in Penang, I was warned that KL wasn't nearly as hilly on their trails as my prior Malay hashing experience. Oops, wrong! We hit one of the hash's favorite trail locations and almost immediately started going up. The biggest difference was that this time we were on actual trails, mostly of the mountain biking variety.
Having started the day with a slight itchy feeling in the back of my throat, I knew I would be in for worse the next day when I felt myself getting quite worn on my way up the hill. I drained my water bottle and stopped about three or four times to catch my breath before moving on.
Finally, cresting the top of the hill by following a water drainage channel in the mud, I caught up with some of the other front runners, including Chicken Shit, a PJ Animals hasher who I met in Sukothai during Indochina. A great guy, he offered to give me a lift to his hash on Monday, then placed a call to the "Mother Hash" to make sure I can register for the 70th Anniversary event the day of.
Going down was a much quicker version of going up. It wasn't nearly the level of descent that I had experienced up in Penang, but at the same time it made the whole journey a bit more balanced.
To break down trail, there were three main components.
Start out going uphill, with a touch of road before cutting into the jungle mtn. bike trail where the real uphill portions gradually set in from slight angles to heavy ones.
Crest the top, and follow a moderate downhill slope on the same types of mtn. biking trails we went up on.
A long stretch of curvy road that went up briefly before winding down the side of the hill to lead the pack back to start.
Overall it wasn't an overly long hash, with the front runners coming in around 40 minutes (I came in closer to 45 mins). There could have been a few more checks, but the ones that they had (about 3) were well placed and tricky enough to keep the pack together up until we crested the hill.
Circle was more of the standard icey goodness. I quickly became defacto songmeister again, and all the charges were done in their due time. Afterwards we ate a great dinner of chicken and rice while cleansing our palates with Carlsburg draught on tap and eventually a bottle of scotch whisky.
Post On-In, Chicken Shit and I met a couple of the harriets (Mad Fish and Meow) at a bar for another couple of drinks before he took me back in to town and I got a quick foot massage (for the second night) before going to bed. No, there were no "happy endings"... though I might be able to bartar for a free foot massage later on as they keep wanting to practice their English with me.
Today I was "supposed" to go to the Petaling H3's run in a couple hours, but I called around for a ride an hour ago and most people have left already. I hear the start is about 50k out of town, so the only way I can get there now is via taxi, which I've already decided I don't want to do. Oh well, there's still the Chelas H3 tomorrow (wherever they're hashing at), and definitely the PJ Animals on Monday!
I've also seemed to pick up some decent bartaring skill in Chinatown. I grabbed a pair of leather Puma slip on shoes for 55 ringiit, talking them down from the original 95 quote.
I figure I might grab some local garb to ship back on Monday with a whole buttload of hash shirts I've collected and now need to offload to make room in my bag.
Broheim, if you read this in the next 24, want anything to add to your wardrobe?
Started in 1938, this is one of the oldest hash chapters in existence, apparantly competing with the "Mother Hash" for that honor.
Of course, the Royal Sengalor Club is the home of the original Hash House, the one where the hash founders would grub down after trails. I did not get inside the actual club, and the original one has long ago burned down. Though, I hear one chapter is currently trying to raise the money to rebuild it.
Arriving by one of those bastard overcharging taxi's (35 ringiit for a trip that should've cost no more than 15), I had no choice as the first three drivers wouldn't even take me that far out of the center of town. It was either pay up, or miss trail. I have now set up rides for other hashes out here in which I wish to partake. Something I did almost immediately following my arrival yesterday at trail.
So, with those bad (bad, bad) tidings out of the way, I threw my bag in the beer wagon and joined up with the pack as trail started.
When I was in Penang, I was warned that KL wasn't nearly as hilly on their trails as my prior Malay hashing experience. Oops, wrong! We hit one of the hash's favorite trail locations and almost immediately started going up. The biggest difference was that this time we were on actual trails, mostly of the mountain biking variety.
Having started the day with a slight itchy feeling in the back of my throat, I knew I would be in for worse the next day when I felt myself getting quite worn on my way up the hill. I drained my water bottle and stopped about three or four times to catch my breath before moving on.
Finally, cresting the top of the hill by following a water drainage channel in the mud, I caught up with some of the other front runners, including Chicken Shit, a PJ Animals hasher who I met in Sukothai during Indochina. A great guy, he offered to give me a lift to his hash on Monday, then placed a call to the "Mother Hash" to make sure I can register for the 70th Anniversary event the day of.
Going down was a much quicker version of going up. It wasn't nearly the level of descent that I had experienced up in Penang, but at the same time it made the whole journey a bit more balanced.
To break down trail, there were three main components.
Start out going uphill, with a touch of road before cutting into the jungle mtn. bike trail where the real uphill portions gradually set in from slight angles to heavy ones.
Crest the top, and follow a moderate downhill slope on the same types of mtn. biking trails we went up on.
A long stretch of curvy road that went up briefly before winding down the side of the hill to lead the pack back to start.
Overall it wasn't an overly long hash, with the front runners coming in around 40 minutes (I came in closer to 45 mins). There could have been a few more checks, but the ones that they had (about 3) were well placed and tricky enough to keep the pack together up until we crested the hill.
Circle was more of the standard icey goodness. I quickly became defacto songmeister again, and all the charges were done in their due time. Afterwards we ate a great dinner of chicken and rice while cleansing our palates with Carlsburg draught on tap and eventually a bottle of scotch whisky.
Post On-In, Chicken Shit and I met a couple of the harriets (Mad Fish and Meow) at a bar for another couple of drinks before he took me back in to town and I got a quick foot massage (for the second night) before going to bed. No, there were no "happy endings"... though I might be able to bartar for a free foot massage later on as they keep wanting to practice their English with me.
Today I was "supposed" to go to the Petaling H3's run in a couple hours, but I called around for a ride an hour ago and most people have left already. I hear the start is about 50k out of town, so the only way I can get there now is via taxi, which I've already decided I don't want to do. Oh well, there's still the Chelas H3 tomorrow (wherever they're hashing at), and definitely the PJ Animals on Monday!
I've also seemed to pick up some decent bartaring skill in Chinatown. I grabbed a pair of leather Puma slip on shoes for 55 ringiit, talking them down from the original 95 quote.
I figure I might grab some local garb to ship back on Monday with a whole buttload of hash shirts I've collected and now need to offload to make room in my bag.
Broheim, if you read this in the next 24, want anything to add to your wardrobe?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
A Tale of 3 Hashes (The 3H club?)
I must say I like Penang, Malaysia.
Absolutely loads of hashes, great folks and the jungle trails are simply insane hill climbing treks that leave you completely winded on the way up and exhilarated on the way down.
I spent a week in Penang, starting out at a small guest house just across the beach from Batu Ferringi, then switching over to Casa de Gangreen, a fellow hasher with a guest room who invited me to stay over with his family for the rest of my time there.
I also parasailed, had the misfortune of having a jellyfish (more likely stray dismembered tentacles from one) go up the leg of my swimwear, and got to snap pictures of wild monkeys while in the Botanical Gardens.
While in Penang I also hashed with three (count 'em, 1... 2... 3! Ha ha ha!) hashes. The Hash House Harriets Penang , the Penang International Hash Hounds (or PI) and the Hash Kaki Penang (Penang's simplest hash).
In doing so, I managed to miss hashing with 3 other hash clubs. The PH4, Penang Men's Hash and the Seberang H4.
In fact, to hash once with every single hash in Penang, it would take the better part of a month, simply because many hashes run on the same day, at the same time. It's almost like Atlanta, but seemingly more competitive in regards to group splits.
In regards to my paid internet time, I will comment that every hash I went to went up into a jungle, up and around large hills (more like small mountains), crested the top, then went back down in some fashion. They were all A to A trails and there were no water stops.
Hash House Harriets Penang:
This was my first trail on the jungle island and due to my phone's clock being off (it seems to do that a lot lately), I was late to the start. The pack had taken off about 10 minutes prior and I quickly got trail instructions from the harriet who laid trail prior to my starting.
Oh, with no bag car and not knowing if the trail was A to A or not, I carried my backpack with me into the trees.
Within about 20 minutes my calves were burning, my water bottle was already halfway gone and my shirt was soaked. The intense jungle humidity combined with the extra weight of my pack and my not being used to hills was simply brutal. I did quickly catch up to some of the older hashers, but ended up doing most of trail with just one trail buddy after two others turned back.
Up, down and around, then up again, around some more and then down, trail was only 3k, but the amount of ascents kept things from going too quickly. Eventually, a harriet named Bibi caught up to us (she was later to start than I!) and we followed her in.
Food was cooked, chats were had, I ran into Crazy German again (whom I first met at Indochina) and I learned that in Penang, you have to pay for beer. Nope, it's not included with the run fee. But it is the cheapest beer in town at roughly a dollar fifty a bottle. Yes, beer in Malaysia is pricey compared to other Asian countries. I think it has something to do with the heavy Muslim influence here. Oh well...
Circle itself was a lot of fun. They had the requisite block of ice, with the added fun of them dumping cups of cold water on you when you weren't looking during the accusation.
They also like to sing, but they don't know that many songs. When I started singing one of the more common ones from the U.S., looks of glee ignited in the Harriets eyes and I suddenly became Song Meister for the evening. I was also made to promise to get lyrics out to hashers within the group for their own learning and singing enjoyment. Here ya go!
http://harrier.net/songbook/index.html
Penang International Hash Hounds:
This trail started out halfway up one of Penang's giant hills and only went up from there! The group this time was much bigger, numbering what seemed like around 80. They were also more into it with rugby socks, gloves and everyone (including me this time thanks to Gangreen) had water packs on.
Trail started out climbing up a concrete water drainage canal directly into the bush, which is where I spilt my first blood of the night ramming my knee into one of the steps.
Shaking it off, we started a small animal path up, up and up, following a paper trail that eventually led to a check. We split up looking for trail in all sorts of directions, myself going up and right into a thick mess of bush with lots of friendly pricks looking to say, "Hi!" with a couple other hashers.
Several minutes later, someone found trail straight right from the check and not wanting to give up the high ground, me and a couple other pushed one last time through the waist high shrubbery to another animal trail before cutting right. A few meters later, the FRB's were climbing up right past us, so we changed course and joined in the chorus line of hashers.
I could feel my calves on fire from the heavy ascent and my left hand had two bleeding fingers from grabbing onto sawgrass, then switching to something with spikes, but I could've cared less. Atlanta had taught me how to block off the superficial cuts and scrapes and it probably saved me a down-down later that night. Rock on.
Trail was this past Saturday, so it was longer, probably 6 or 7k. Normally not a tough time, but with the hills and trees it was brutal. Often times I would need to simply grab trees and vines and climb up the hill, often falling back down or sliding onto my stomach into the mud because my shoes had long lost their tread (I had been looking for a new pair since Europe).
Eventually we crested the hill and after one more drop on my ass (to which Love Lace told me, "at least you have cushioning!"), The three or four hashers in my midst had a straight clear path through the trees on relatively stable ground.
Picking up speed, I suddenly felt a sharp jab on the back of my leg, up near the knee. Then a couple steps later, again in my shin. I slowed down wondering what the hell I had stepped in thinking that a thorny branch was sticking me, when Love Lace slapped her upper arm and cried out in pain. O.B., a harriet in front of both of us yelled, "bees! RUN!" and we did, high tailing it past a couple other hashers and out of the area as quickly as possible before we could get stung more.
Funny thing about the bees in the Penang jungle hills. They are small, black, hurt like hell and I never heard them coming.
Eventually safe from maurading insects and catching up to other hashers we then started going down, down, down amongst the trees. Often times the way down was so steep (combined with a lack of tread on my shoes) that the best way to progress was to go George of the Jungle style and simply use smaller, flexible trees and jungle vines as a way to control an otherwise wickedly fast descent. Barring the couple times when I almost ran into trees covered in inch long thorns, this was absolutely thrilling! By the time I had made it almost down the hill, I had become a master of just swinging from vine to tree to tree to vine again. In most cases I simply jumped, leaving my feet to touch the ground again only after whatever I grabbed onto slowed my momentum enough to bounce to the next one.
This only failed me once, at the very end, when I lost trail, but knew it was within 50 meters up from the roadside, and I decided to just shortcut through the bush but grabbed a hold of an unsecure vine which left me to roll once and then crash into the back side of a metal shed. Creating an awesome WHAM! sound.
Unhurt, time for circle!
Food and beer were the same as before. The munchies were a proper dinner cooked by the hares, and beer you paid for by the bottle. The only beer included with the run price was the down down beer, of which I had a few.
You see, somehow my singing prowess (?) had gotten out from the previous hash two nights prior and I was called to sing again a few times. Eventually getting called into circle for my visitor down-down.
Knowing what they did last time (let's keep your shirt dry, they dumped it in the ice water the beer was in before placing it over me), I beat them to the punch, taking off my shirt, then dousing it in ice water before putting it on again, then sitting on the ice.
They poured ice water over me, to no effect.
Now what? Oh yes, insted of putting Alcoholiday on the ice, let's put the ice on Alcoholiday!
They had me lay on the ground, then lifted up the ice block and placed it on my chest/stomach.
I'd like to think I held it up pretty well, especially when they then poured ice water on me. Stories were told, I sang my song and drank my beer, then another before they finally took the ice off and I got up.
Asking the Harriets for help to get warm (to no avail!), I got back into circle and seemed to become the song guy again, though less to an extent of the hash before.
Very good fun, and the Penang International Hash Hounds is holding a weekend pre-amble to next year's Interhash in Borneo that is promising to be spectacular. They are even holding a Red Dress Run during the pre-amble. So if you're going to '10 Interhash, it very well may be worth it to include a stop over in Penang before hand!
Tuesday Kaki Hash:
Oh boy, this should be fun.
I dislike taxi's in Malaysia, they charge foriegners anywhere from two to three times as much for fares and they refuse to use the meter they are supposed to follow by law. Gangreen explained the why to me, but all that means is I guess I won't be taking taxi's anywhere.
I ended up several kilometers away from where I was staying as a result of wanting to check out the Queensbay Mall (Penang's largest). When trying to go back, no one would take me on meter, so I told them to fuck off and went to look for a bus.
Instead I found myself in the back side of a police boat yard. I explained my mishaps and one of the wrenchers offered to take me in to Georgetown on his motorbike. I graciously accepted, threw him a few ringit for petrol and jumped on, getting in touch with Gangreen to arrange a pick up at a major hotel so I could make the trail (sadly making us both late to start by quite a bit as a result).
When we finally arrived, we were about half an hour late, late enough that the hares provided us with a short-cut route to meet up with the others. So we SCB'd directly up the hill. A much shorter, but much steeper route. Having adjusted to the hill climbs that had slaughtered me earlier, combined with knowing we were chunking off a huge part of trail, it felt like a quick ascent to the top, backtracking on some bits to follow trail paper left by a couple other hash clubs that had been in the same area over the past week or so.
At the top we waited in some kind of makeshift Chinese playground/tea room until Gangreen's wife, Sex Bitch arrived, then together we followed trail down to the on-in.
Crazy German was there as well (he was at all 3 of my Penang hashes), but decided to try and cut trail short by going downhill at an earlier point and ended up on the wrong side of the island.
Food, beer, etc. It was a good meal, with dessert included!
The circle was held with ice, down downs were given. It wasn't as hard core as the nights before, but then again, the Tuesday Kaki Hash is Penang's simplest hash!
On-On!
Tonight I hash in KL!
Absolutely loads of hashes, great folks and the jungle trails are simply insane hill climbing treks that leave you completely winded on the way up and exhilarated on the way down.
I spent a week in Penang, starting out at a small guest house just across the beach from Batu Ferringi, then switching over to Casa de Gangreen, a fellow hasher with a guest room who invited me to stay over with his family for the rest of my time there.
I also parasailed, had the misfortune of having a jellyfish (more likely stray dismembered tentacles from one) go up the leg of my swimwear, and got to snap pictures of wild monkeys while in the Botanical Gardens.
While in Penang I also hashed with three (count 'em, 1... 2... 3! Ha ha ha!) hashes. The Hash House Harriets Penang , the Penang International Hash Hounds (or PI) and the Hash Kaki Penang (Penang's simplest hash).
In doing so, I managed to miss hashing with 3 other hash clubs. The PH4, Penang Men's Hash and the Seberang H4.
In fact, to hash once with every single hash in Penang, it would take the better part of a month, simply because many hashes run on the same day, at the same time. It's almost like Atlanta, but seemingly more competitive in regards to group splits.
In regards to my paid internet time, I will comment that every hash I went to went up into a jungle, up and around large hills (more like small mountains), crested the top, then went back down in some fashion. They were all A to A trails and there were no water stops.
Hash House Harriets Penang:
This was my first trail on the jungle island and due to my phone's clock being off (it seems to do that a lot lately), I was late to the start. The pack had taken off about 10 minutes prior and I quickly got trail instructions from the harriet who laid trail prior to my starting.
Oh, with no bag car and not knowing if the trail was A to A or not, I carried my backpack with me into the trees.
Within about 20 minutes my calves were burning, my water bottle was already halfway gone and my shirt was soaked. The intense jungle humidity combined with the extra weight of my pack and my not being used to hills was simply brutal. I did quickly catch up to some of the older hashers, but ended up doing most of trail with just one trail buddy after two others turned back.
Up, down and around, then up again, around some more and then down, trail was only 3k, but the amount of ascents kept things from going too quickly. Eventually, a harriet named Bibi caught up to us (she was later to start than I!) and we followed her in.
Food was cooked, chats were had, I ran into Crazy German again (whom I first met at Indochina) and I learned that in Penang, you have to pay for beer. Nope, it's not included with the run fee. But it is the cheapest beer in town at roughly a dollar fifty a bottle. Yes, beer in Malaysia is pricey compared to other Asian countries. I think it has something to do with the heavy Muslim influence here. Oh well...
Circle itself was a lot of fun. They had the requisite block of ice, with the added fun of them dumping cups of cold water on you when you weren't looking during the accusation.
They also like to sing, but they don't know that many songs. When I started singing one of the more common ones from the U.S., looks of glee ignited in the Harriets eyes and I suddenly became Song Meister for the evening. I was also made to promise to get lyrics out to hashers within the group for their own learning and singing enjoyment. Here ya go!
http://harrier.net/songbook/index.html
Penang International Hash Hounds:
This trail started out halfway up one of Penang's giant hills and only went up from there! The group this time was much bigger, numbering what seemed like around 80. They were also more into it with rugby socks, gloves and everyone (including me this time thanks to Gangreen) had water packs on.
Trail started out climbing up a concrete water drainage canal directly into the bush, which is where I spilt my first blood of the night ramming my knee into one of the steps.
Shaking it off, we started a small animal path up, up and up, following a paper trail that eventually led to a check. We split up looking for trail in all sorts of directions, myself going up and right into a thick mess of bush with lots of friendly pricks looking to say, "Hi!" with a couple other hashers.
Several minutes later, someone found trail straight right from the check and not wanting to give up the high ground, me and a couple other pushed one last time through the waist high shrubbery to another animal trail before cutting right. A few meters later, the FRB's were climbing up right past us, so we changed course and joined in the chorus line of hashers.
I could feel my calves on fire from the heavy ascent and my left hand had two bleeding fingers from grabbing onto sawgrass, then switching to something with spikes, but I could've cared less. Atlanta had taught me how to block off the superficial cuts and scrapes and it probably saved me a down-down later that night. Rock on.
Trail was this past Saturday, so it was longer, probably 6 or 7k. Normally not a tough time, but with the hills and trees it was brutal. Often times I would need to simply grab trees and vines and climb up the hill, often falling back down or sliding onto my stomach into the mud because my shoes had long lost their tread (I had been looking for a new pair since Europe).
Eventually we crested the hill and after one more drop on my ass (to which Love Lace told me, "at least you have cushioning!"), The three or four hashers in my midst had a straight clear path through the trees on relatively stable ground.
Picking up speed, I suddenly felt a sharp jab on the back of my leg, up near the knee. Then a couple steps later, again in my shin. I slowed down wondering what the hell I had stepped in thinking that a thorny branch was sticking me, when Love Lace slapped her upper arm and cried out in pain. O.B., a harriet in front of both of us yelled, "bees! RUN!" and we did, high tailing it past a couple other hashers and out of the area as quickly as possible before we could get stung more.
Funny thing about the bees in the Penang jungle hills. They are small, black, hurt like hell and I never heard them coming.
Eventually safe from maurading insects and catching up to other hashers we then started going down, down, down amongst the trees. Often times the way down was so steep (combined with a lack of tread on my shoes) that the best way to progress was to go George of the Jungle style and simply use smaller, flexible trees and jungle vines as a way to control an otherwise wickedly fast descent. Barring the couple times when I almost ran into trees covered in inch long thorns, this was absolutely thrilling! By the time I had made it almost down the hill, I had become a master of just swinging from vine to tree to tree to vine again. In most cases I simply jumped, leaving my feet to touch the ground again only after whatever I grabbed onto slowed my momentum enough to bounce to the next one.
This only failed me once, at the very end, when I lost trail, but knew it was within 50 meters up from the roadside, and I decided to just shortcut through the bush but grabbed a hold of an unsecure vine which left me to roll once and then crash into the back side of a metal shed. Creating an awesome WHAM! sound.
Unhurt, time for circle!
Food and beer were the same as before. The munchies were a proper dinner cooked by the hares, and beer you paid for by the bottle. The only beer included with the run price was the down down beer, of which I had a few.
You see, somehow my singing prowess (?) had gotten out from the previous hash two nights prior and I was called to sing again a few times. Eventually getting called into circle for my visitor down-down.
Knowing what they did last time (let's keep your shirt dry, they dumped it in the ice water the beer was in before placing it over me), I beat them to the punch, taking off my shirt, then dousing it in ice water before putting it on again, then sitting on the ice.
They poured ice water over me, to no effect.
Now what? Oh yes, insted of putting Alcoholiday on the ice, let's put the ice on Alcoholiday!
They had me lay on the ground, then lifted up the ice block and placed it on my chest/stomach.
I'd like to think I held it up pretty well, especially when they then poured ice water on me. Stories were told, I sang my song and drank my beer, then another before they finally took the ice off and I got up.
Asking the Harriets for help to get warm (to no avail!), I got back into circle and seemed to become the song guy again, though less to an extent of the hash before.
Very good fun, and the Penang International Hash Hounds is holding a weekend pre-amble to next year's Interhash in Borneo that is promising to be spectacular. They are even holding a Red Dress Run during the pre-amble. So if you're going to '10 Interhash, it very well may be worth it to include a stop over in Penang before hand!
Tuesday Kaki Hash:
Oh boy, this should be fun.
I dislike taxi's in Malaysia, they charge foriegners anywhere from two to three times as much for fares and they refuse to use the meter they are supposed to follow by law. Gangreen explained the why to me, but all that means is I guess I won't be taking taxi's anywhere.
I ended up several kilometers away from where I was staying as a result of wanting to check out the Queensbay Mall (Penang's largest). When trying to go back, no one would take me on meter, so I told them to fuck off and went to look for a bus.
Instead I found myself in the back side of a police boat yard. I explained my mishaps and one of the wrenchers offered to take me in to Georgetown on his motorbike. I graciously accepted, threw him a few ringit for petrol and jumped on, getting in touch with Gangreen to arrange a pick up at a major hotel so I could make the trail (sadly making us both late to start by quite a bit as a result).
When we finally arrived, we were about half an hour late, late enough that the hares provided us with a short-cut route to meet up with the others. So we SCB'd directly up the hill. A much shorter, but much steeper route. Having adjusted to the hill climbs that had slaughtered me earlier, combined with knowing we were chunking off a huge part of trail, it felt like a quick ascent to the top, backtracking on some bits to follow trail paper left by a couple other hash clubs that had been in the same area over the past week or so.
At the top we waited in some kind of makeshift Chinese playground/tea room until Gangreen's wife, Sex Bitch arrived, then together we followed trail down to the on-in.
Crazy German was there as well (he was at all 3 of my Penang hashes), but decided to try and cut trail short by going downhill at an earlier point and ended up on the wrong side of the island.
Food, beer, etc. It was a good meal, with dessert included!
The circle was held with ice, down downs were given. It wasn't as hard core as the nights before, but then again, the Tuesday Kaki Hash is Penang's simplest hash!
On-On!
Tonight I hash in KL!
Monday, November 17, 2008
DANGER MINES... er HASH!
A little over a week back, Mount Hee and I traveled to Cambodia.
Specifically Phnom Penh, in order to hash.
On his budget level (one thing I have learned is that two travelers on
different budgets should meet up at places rather than travel together
as the limits of one almost always comes in conflict with the other)
we caught a train to the Thai/Cambodia border with intentions of
taking the next rail into Phnom Phen.
Boy that didn't work... First off the train from Bangkok was late,
then we arrived in the border town after the border closed, forcing us
to stay the night.
While looking for lodging Mount Hee kept aiming for the cheapest one.
The end result was a roach infested single room with ants on the bed
(where we figured the sheets weren't washed very frequently either.
Not trusting the place we took our valuables with us when we went out
to get dinner. On the way back I found a much nicer place for a
heftier price.
Not wanting to swallow the extra 3 dollars the reach motel cost him,
Mount Hee went back while I got a roughly 15 dollar room at this other
place where we agreed to meet the next day to cross over the border.
When crossing it was simply a run around. The border agent used a
guidebook (Lonely Planet?) to show us th entry rate, then asked for a
tip.
After that, he set us up with a shared taxi into Siam Reap. A 60
dollar ride smooshed into a Toyota Corolla with 2 other white people.
Then we went on a 4 or so hour ride along ghastly pot hole filled
roads, stopping at money changers (probably all working for the same
company as the taxi and border agent) who kept wanting us to change in
our Thai baht for cambodian currency (no thank you).
Then, the taxi takes us to a Tuk Tuk stand where we are told to switch
rides, and are given a guide who promises to arrange a taxi to Phnom
Penh for 80 US.
The driver doesn't speak english and the taxi doesn't even look like a
taxi. I think up a story to get rid of the tuk tuk driver and our
'guide', then have to pay off the taxi driver to get them to finally
leave.
So, there we are, in the middle of somewhere, siam Reap, Cambodia, the
only white people for who knows how far, and did I mention it's
raining like the dam burst?
Oh, the bus station is 'closed' also...
We hail a new tuk tuk and aim for the airport with hopes of getting a
plane to Phnom Penh and ending what has (for two days) been a relative
nightmare. Only to find out that you can't buy a plane ticket at the
airport. Only through travel agents in town... It's now past 8:00 at
night and we are both feeling very discouraged. Cambodia, so far, has
been ripping us off and leaving us for dead.
We catch another Tuk Tuk back into town, get a decent room that we
split for roughly 10 apiece and purchase boat tickets to Phnom Penh
for the next morning on the advice of Big Beaver, whom gave us a ride
from Indochina to Chiang Mai.
The next day consisted of a solid jet boat ride across the largest
lake in Cambodia, dropping us off in Phnom Penh with about 2 hours
until the hash started. We dropped our bags off, grabbed a tuk tuk and
made it to the pick up point about 1/2 an hour before they left to
begin trail.
Hashing in Cambodia wasn't all that bad, especially considering what
we went through to get there. It wasn't difficult by any means
(especially compared to what other hashers were telling me to expect).
Mostly along back alleys and wide dirt roads. We were in a more rural
area though, so we ran through some of the local villages where the
villagers were lining the streets to watch us (to quote the website)
"crazy barang runners".
Circle was lively and fun where everyone got to drink out of these
small silver bowls. The beer of choice in Cambodia is Anchor, a local
brew that is pretty hefty in alcohol content, ranging right up there
with the English Ales.
We spent an extra day in Phnom Phen, staying with a fellow hasher who
is also on Couchsurfing named Greg.
I finally got to break out my hammock which was also cool. There was
also the Water festival going on, so we all went to check that out.
Later that second night Mount Hee and I caught a flight to Bangkok, to
resituate for Malaysia.
Not wanting to deal with another border crossing mess, I booked a
flight, but seeing the 120 dollar ticket price, Mount Hee said, "Fuck
that." and went to catch an overnight train.
I spent the night at Noriega's bar (hash bars for the win!) and took
the flight the next morning to Penang with an extra day of leeway
before my first intended hash there with the Penang Harriets, which
will be my next post!
Specifically Phnom Penh, in order to hash.
On his budget level (one thing I have learned is that two travelers on
different budgets should meet up at places rather than travel together
as the limits of one almost always comes in conflict with the other)
we caught a train to the Thai/Cambodia border with intentions of
taking the next rail into Phnom Phen.
Boy that didn't work... First off the train from Bangkok was late,
then we arrived in the border town after the border closed, forcing us
to stay the night.
While looking for lodging Mount Hee kept aiming for the cheapest one.
The end result was a roach infested single room with ants on the bed
(where we figured the sheets weren't washed very frequently either.
Not trusting the place we took our valuables with us when we went out
to get dinner. On the way back I found a much nicer place for a
heftier price.
Not wanting to swallow the extra 3 dollars the reach motel cost him,
Mount Hee went back while I got a roughly 15 dollar room at this other
place where we agreed to meet the next day to cross over the border.
When crossing it was simply a run around. The border agent used a
guidebook (Lonely Planet?) to show us th entry rate, then asked for a
tip.
After that, he set us up with a shared taxi into Siam Reap. A 60
dollar ride smooshed into a Toyota Corolla with 2 other white people.
Then we went on a 4 or so hour ride along ghastly pot hole filled
roads, stopping at money changers (probably all working for the same
company as the taxi and border agent) who kept wanting us to change in
our Thai baht for cambodian currency (no thank you).
Then, the taxi takes us to a Tuk Tuk stand where we are told to switch
rides, and are given a guide who promises to arrange a taxi to Phnom
Penh for 80 US.
The driver doesn't speak english and the taxi doesn't even look like a
taxi. I think up a story to get rid of the tuk tuk driver and our
'guide', then have to pay off the taxi driver to get them to finally
leave.
So, there we are, in the middle of somewhere, siam Reap, Cambodia, the
only white people for who knows how far, and did I mention it's
raining like the dam burst?
Oh, the bus station is 'closed' also...
We hail a new tuk tuk and aim for the airport with hopes of getting a
plane to Phnom Penh and ending what has (for two days) been a relative
nightmare. Only to find out that you can't buy a plane ticket at the
airport. Only through travel agents in town... It's now past 8:00 at
night and we are both feeling very discouraged. Cambodia, so far, has
been ripping us off and leaving us for dead.
We catch another Tuk Tuk back into town, get a decent room that we
split for roughly 10 apiece and purchase boat tickets to Phnom Penh
for the next morning on the advice of Big Beaver, whom gave us a ride
from Indochina to Chiang Mai.
The next day consisted of a solid jet boat ride across the largest
lake in Cambodia, dropping us off in Phnom Penh with about 2 hours
until the hash started. We dropped our bags off, grabbed a tuk tuk and
made it to the pick up point about 1/2 an hour before they left to
begin trail.
Hashing in Cambodia wasn't all that bad, especially considering what
we went through to get there. It wasn't difficult by any means
(especially compared to what other hashers were telling me to expect).
Mostly along back alleys and wide dirt roads. We were in a more rural
area though, so we ran through some of the local villages where the
villagers were lining the streets to watch us (to quote the website)
"crazy barang runners".
Circle was lively and fun where everyone got to drink out of these
small silver bowls. The beer of choice in Cambodia is Anchor, a local
brew that is pretty hefty in alcohol content, ranging right up there
with the English Ales.
We spent an extra day in Phnom Phen, staying with a fellow hasher who
is also on Couchsurfing named Greg.
I finally got to break out my hammock which was also cool. There was
also the Water festival going on, so we all went to check that out.
Later that second night Mount Hee and I caught a flight to Bangkok, to
resituate for Malaysia.
Not wanting to deal with another border crossing mess, I booked a
flight, but seeing the 120 dollar ticket price, Mount Hee said, "Fuck
that." and went to catch an overnight train.
I spent the night at Noriega's bar (hash bars for the win!) and took
the flight the next morning to Penang with an extra day of leeway
before my first intended hash there with the Penang Harriets, which
will be my next post!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Posting at the speed of ...meh
Funny thing about tropical island life. It sucks your initiative for
things like posting in blogs, but gives you great energy for things
like waterfalls, running on the beach, rock scrambling, vine swinging
and all that. The perfect appetite builder for Tom Yam Fung and
grilled red snapper.
The only real down side to Malaysia so far is the beer is close to
Western European prices.
What's that? I'm in Malaysia!?
I'm a touch behind in hash posts (over a week now), so I'll have to do
these in a briefer format.
Pattaya H3 was a bit different from the Jungle hash they have out
there. With a group that numbers close to 100, there are definite
clicks that form between group members. Is this for the best of the
hash as a whole? I can't really say.
As for trail itself, we started in the middle of a rubber tree
plantation about a 45 minute bus ride from Pattaya. Traversing all
sorts of various terrain, it was an exceedlingly well laid trail that
broke from the rubber trees to the pineapple fields, then through some
jungle into tapioca trees (thankfully no wasps this time) and back
along service roads before cutting back into the jungle again to
returns into the rubber trees.
All in all it was about a 10k hash with tricky checks and well marked paths.
Circle itself was as grand as most I've attended, though much bigger.
The vibe from the Jungle hashes circle carried through, but not to the
extent of rambunctiousness (if that's even a word, whatever).
Back in Switzerland I was given a book by Moose Diver called Hasta
Bananas, written by a hasher named Black Justice (real name, Otti
Schmidt). While traveling to and through Thailand, I was able to read
through it. Basically his chronicles of sailing the south seas back in
the mid to late 90's, it was a fun read and really has helped me to
continue this blog (though I have been lazy as of late).
Well, standing in circle that night, I look at the hasher standing
next to me and he looks very similar to Otti. I ask him his hash name
and sure enough, It's Black Justice himself!
On the bus ride back into town, we chatted about traveling, writing
and sailing. It turns out he no longer has his boat Hasta Manana, but
still travels around asia and the south seas, just golfing in his
retirement. Very cool, even though I am not a golfer myself.
After the Pattaya hash, I spent a few more days in Pattaya, just
enjoying the beach, then jumped a bus back to Bangkok to meet up with
Mount-Hee to travel to Cambodia. Ummm... that's the next post!
things like posting in blogs, but gives you great energy for things
like waterfalls, running on the beach, rock scrambling, vine swinging
and all that. The perfect appetite builder for Tom Yam Fung and
grilled red snapper.
The only real down side to Malaysia so far is the beer is close to
Western European prices.
What's that? I'm in Malaysia!?
I'm a touch behind in hash posts (over a week now), so I'll have to do
these in a briefer format.
Pattaya H3 was a bit different from the Jungle hash they have out
there. With a group that numbers close to 100, there are definite
clicks that form between group members. Is this for the best of the
hash as a whole? I can't really say.
As for trail itself, we started in the middle of a rubber tree
plantation about a 45 minute bus ride from Pattaya. Traversing all
sorts of various terrain, it was an exceedlingly well laid trail that
broke from the rubber trees to the pineapple fields, then through some
jungle into tapioca trees (thankfully no wasps this time) and back
along service roads before cutting back into the jungle again to
returns into the rubber trees.
All in all it was about a 10k hash with tricky checks and well marked paths.
Circle itself was as grand as most I've attended, though much bigger.
The vibe from the Jungle hashes circle carried through, but not to the
extent of rambunctiousness (if that's even a word, whatever).
Back in Switzerland I was given a book by Moose Diver called Hasta
Bananas, written by a hasher named Black Justice (real name, Otti
Schmidt). While traveling to and through Thailand, I was able to read
through it. Basically his chronicles of sailing the south seas back in
the mid to late 90's, it was a fun read and really has helped me to
continue this blog (though I have been lazy as of late).
Well, standing in circle that night, I look at the hasher standing
next to me and he looks very similar to Otti. I ask him his hash name
and sure enough, It's Black Justice himself!
On the bus ride back into town, we chatted about traveling, writing
and sailing. It turns out he no longer has his boat Hasta Manana, but
still travels around asia and the south seas, just golfing in his
retirement. Very cool, even though I am not a golfer myself.
After the Pattaya hash, I spent a few more days in Pattaya, just
enjoying the beach, then jumped a bus back to Bangkok to meet up with
Mount-Hee to travel to Cambodia. Ummm... that's the next post!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Welcome to the Jungle (hash)
From my experiences with the Pattaya hashers in both Sukothai and Chiang Mai, I knew they were the group I wanted to hash with next. They seemed to know a good trail from a bad one and they could hold a kick ass circle. All in all, these were good guys.
Catching an overnight train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok (15 hours, 3rd class, sandwiched between two monks, this was an experience in its own right. It should be noted that I was the ONLY person in 3rd class who wasn't Thai. It was a bit rough at times as there was no AC and the mosquitos were rampant, but I would not call it a bad journey by any means, just uncomfortable.), I arrived only to be told that the trains to Pattaya don't run Friday through Sunday, I would have to take a bus instead. Then a worker there said they had one available and I went through the big mess of being conned into paying way too much for a minibus instead of the standard bus I wanted to take. Throw that in with the shit accomodations that they set up for me (charging 400 baht for too... that's the last time I a: let someone else set up my place to stay and b: not look at a place before staying there) and it wasn't the best start.
I took the opportunity of my first day there to walk around, get a map and just learn the area. I found the spot where the hashers meet to catch the hash bus and then headed back to my room with a 4 pack of Singha with the hopes that passing out would help alleviate where I was staying.
The next day I walked all of 5 minutes down the road and found another Guest House named Kim's that was only 100 baht a night more and I can quite frankly call it a 4 star accomodation. With what even the local hashers called a hell of a deal I booked the place for 4 nights and once again walked around, this time making it down to the beach to soak in the sun, dodge the prostitutes (they are EVERYWHERE) and just take in the atmosphere of "the eXtreme city" of Pattaya.
On Sunday I arrived at The Thistle Bar where I met up with many of the Pattaya hashers I had met at Indochina. Shiek Me Me, Shiek Bin Shaggin, Lord Lucan, Dizzy and others, including Mount Hee.
Paying the 400 baht visitor run fee (350 for locals, 250 for women...)
We jumped on the bus and headed out into the tapioca and pineapple fields of the surrounding rural areas for trail. With the bus pulling up next to a water retention basin of some sort, we walked a short way to the A site where they were unloading ice, setting up a circle of stools (sitting circle in Pattaya) and just getting ready in general.
There I met the hares, V.V. and Tampax and after a short span we set off into the tapioca trees to follow paper.
Zipping around the trees was good run, until I heard a slight buzzing in my ear and before I knew it hot fire shot into me. I was the victim of a wasp who nailed me in my left ear. I haven't been stung in a long time, but that just was incredible pain. Shiek Bin Shaggin' later told me he saw the damn thing target me, then follow me from three meters back like a damned guided missle.
By the time I shook off the pain, the running pack was well ahead and I had to work to catch up with the walkers. Regaling my tale with one of the Pattaya members, I got the response, "Welcome to Pattaya Jungle!" Boy ain't that right!
Nevertheless, I wasn't going to let one lousy wasp ruin this trail for me so I took off with a combination of following paper and shortcutting by listening to the cries of "On-On!" in the distance. Through this clever methodology I was easily able to catch up to the meat of the pack.
Eventually falling into a good pace, the trail started to divvy from the pineapple field paths and switched into the jungle. Same good jungle shiggy, much less mud than before. Thankfully the well laid trail kept our losing paper to a minimum and before I knew it, we were breaking back out into grassy fields and more pineapple. A few k more and the On-In was a welcome sight from what I could consider a great jungle run. Honor to the hares, V.V. and Tampax!
While waiting for the rest of the pack to come in, Asheville hasher Mount Hee decided to go swimming in the water basin. Umm, ok, swim away...
As he got out into the water Dizzy yelled at him to get out of the water, that they were starting a crocodile farm. Mount Hee quickly exited only to have Dizzy come up and say, "only joking mate!" Something that would come back to haunt Mount Hee in circle later that night.
With the pack now in, V.V. procured some wonderful french quisine of meatballs, rice and soup. We all noshed on the goodies for a while before Dizzy finally got circle a-goin' by calling the hares to the ice.
Now, it should be noted that Pattaya Jungle Hash is a sitting circle. They provide stools for everyone and two of the stools are pink. These are the "poofter stools" and if you get caught sitting on one, you get the bucket.
After the hare's down-down Dizzy explained his little joke to Mount Hee and after the laughter died down, he was proclaimed "the victim!" and given a fancy bonnet and girlie umbrella.
More down downs were given and Shiek Me Me took the stage with the call of "Jellybutt, in THE BUCKET!"
And there he stayed, in the bucket, while Shiek Me Me related story after story of some form or another. Then us Americans ended up on the ice for... well fucking up the world economy (sorry?). Well, at least we don't half ass stuff.
Shiek Me Me then passed circle back to Dizzy and Jellybutt got called out of the bucket. Not a second after he had rejoined circle Dizzy goes, "Jellybutt, in the bucket!"
Now, I don't know Jellybutt, but the man was getting abuse (sado?).
Circle passed hands a couple more times, with Dizzy getting us Americans on the ice again, this time for a report that came out of America that said people who drink more than 4 liters of beer a week have a greater chance for dementia. He then asked us on the ice how much we drank last week (I said, yes!), then commented on the other hashers drinking levels (I was six beers in, what do you want me to remember? Make it good!). He finished up our down-down and with Jellybutt out of the bucket and the ice empty, I was called in to have a hand in circle.
So, who did I call in? Jellybutt!
Keeping him off the ice for a moment, I asked the pack if they felt he had suffered enough. Of course not. But rather than put him in the bucket, I put him on the ice. I then called out the victim, and said that Jelly's been abused, and who gets abused more than the victim? Mount Hee, in the bucket!
I then called out the hares. You see these wankers were also the beer wenches and they had control of one of the pink poofter stools. All night they were trying to get me to sit on it, switching out my seat every time I stood up. But I am a wary and wily hasher and they failed time and time again. Their only success was when Mount Hee was on the ice and I pointed out to them that a valid opportunity was presented (yeah, I'm an advocate!).
I gave my down down, told Mount Hee to get out of the bucket and on the ice. Then I told the hares to get off the ice, and told Jellybutt to get back in the bucket before passing circle off to Dizzy who wrapped things up nice and cleanly. We all snagged a beer for the road before jumping back on the hash bus and heading back to The Thistle Bar.
All in all it was a grand experience and well worth my journey to Pattaya. Best hash in Asia so far!
Now, you may be wondering why I've gone into so much detail about circle. Well, at the beginning of circle Dizzy was looking for a scribe. No volunteers, so since I knew I would be blogging this anyway, I figured I could do the job with some degree of inefficiency. I've been pecking it together for the past 3 days through the beer haze of my mind. Who needs notes!?
Catching an overnight train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok (15 hours, 3rd class, sandwiched between two monks, this was an experience in its own right. It should be noted that I was the ONLY person in 3rd class who wasn't Thai. It was a bit rough at times as there was no AC and the mosquitos were rampant, but I would not call it a bad journey by any means, just uncomfortable.), I arrived only to be told that the trains to Pattaya don't run Friday through Sunday, I would have to take a bus instead. Then a worker there said they had one available and I went through the big mess of being conned into paying way too much for a minibus instead of the standard bus I wanted to take. Throw that in with the shit accomodations that they set up for me (charging 400 baht for too... that's the last time I a: let someone else set up my place to stay and b: not look at a place before staying there) and it wasn't the best start.
I took the opportunity of my first day there to walk around, get a map and just learn the area. I found the spot where the hashers meet to catch the hash bus and then headed back to my room with a 4 pack of Singha with the hopes that passing out would help alleviate where I was staying.
The next day I walked all of 5 minutes down the road and found another Guest House named Kim's that was only 100 baht a night more and I can quite frankly call it a 4 star accomodation. With what even the local hashers called a hell of a deal I booked the place for 4 nights and once again walked around, this time making it down to the beach to soak in the sun, dodge the prostitutes (they are EVERYWHERE) and just take in the atmosphere of "the eXtreme city" of Pattaya.
On Sunday I arrived at The Thistle Bar where I met up with many of the Pattaya hashers I had met at Indochina. Shiek Me Me, Shiek Bin Shaggin, Lord Lucan, Dizzy and others, including Mount Hee.
Paying the 400 baht visitor run fee (350 for locals, 250 for women...)
We jumped on the bus and headed out into the tapioca and pineapple fields of the surrounding rural areas for trail. With the bus pulling up next to a water retention basin of some sort, we walked a short way to the A site where they were unloading ice, setting up a circle of stools (sitting circle in Pattaya) and just getting ready in general.
There I met the hares, V.V. and Tampax and after a short span we set off into the tapioca trees to follow paper.
Zipping around the trees was good run, until I heard a slight buzzing in my ear and before I knew it hot fire shot into me. I was the victim of a wasp who nailed me in my left ear. I haven't been stung in a long time, but that just was incredible pain. Shiek Bin Shaggin' later told me he saw the damn thing target me, then follow me from three meters back like a damned guided missle.
By the time I shook off the pain, the running pack was well ahead and I had to work to catch up with the walkers. Regaling my tale with one of the Pattaya members, I got the response, "Welcome to Pattaya Jungle!" Boy ain't that right!
Nevertheless, I wasn't going to let one lousy wasp ruin this trail for me so I took off with a combination of following paper and shortcutting by listening to the cries of "On-On!" in the distance. Through this clever methodology I was easily able to catch up to the meat of the pack.
Eventually falling into a good pace, the trail started to divvy from the pineapple field paths and switched into the jungle. Same good jungle shiggy, much less mud than before. Thankfully the well laid trail kept our losing paper to a minimum and before I knew it, we were breaking back out into grassy fields and more pineapple. A few k more and the On-In was a welcome sight from what I could consider a great jungle run. Honor to the hares, V.V. and Tampax!
While waiting for the rest of the pack to come in, Asheville hasher Mount Hee decided to go swimming in the water basin. Umm, ok, swim away...
As he got out into the water Dizzy yelled at him to get out of the water, that they were starting a crocodile farm. Mount Hee quickly exited only to have Dizzy come up and say, "only joking mate!" Something that would come back to haunt Mount Hee in circle later that night.
With the pack now in, V.V. procured some wonderful french quisine of meatballs, rice and soup. We all noshed on the goodies for a while before Dizzy finally got circle a-goin' by calling the hares to the ice.
Now, it should be noted that Pattaya Jungle Hash is a sitting circle. They provide stools for everyone and two of the stools are pink. These are the "poofter stools" and if you get caught sitting on one, you get the bucket.
After the hare's down-down Dizzy explained his little joke to Mount Hee and after the laughter died down, he was proclaimed "the victim!" and given a fancy bonnet and girlie umbrella.
More down downs were given and Shiek Me Me took the stage with the call of "Jellybutt, in THE BUCKET!"
And there he stayed, in the bucket, while Shiek Me Me related story after story of some form or another. Then us Americans ended up on the ice for... well fucking up the world economy (sorry?). Well, at least we don't half ass stuff.
Shiek Me Me then passed circle back to Dizzy and Jellybutt got called out of the bucket. Not a second after he had rejoined circle Dizzy goes, "Jellybutt, in the bucket!"
Now, I don't know Jellybutt, but the man was getting abuse (sado?).
Circle passed hands a couple more times, with Dizzy getting us Americans on the ice again, this time for a report that came out of America that said people who drink more than 4 liters of beer a week have a greater chance for dementia. He then asked us on the ice how much we drank last week (I said, yes!), then commented on the other hashers drinking levels (I was six beers in, what do you want me to remember? Make it good!). He finished up our down-down and with Jellybutt out of the bucket and the ice empty, I was called in to have a hand in circle.
So, who did I call in? Jellybutt!
Keeping him off the ice for a moment, I asked the pack if they felt he had suffered enough. Of course not. But rather than put him in the bucket, I put him on the ice. I then called out the victim, and said that Jelly's been abused, and who gets abused more than the victim? Mount Hee, in the bucket!
I then called out the hares. You see these wankers were also the beer wenches and they had control of one of the pink poofter stools. All night they were trying to get me to sit on it, switching out my seat every time I stood up. But I am a wary and wily hasher and they failed time and time again. Their only success was when Mount Hee was on the ice and I pointed out to them that a valid opportunity was presented (yeah, I'm an advocate!).
I gave my down down, told Mount Hee to get out of the bucket and on the ice. Then I told the hares to get off the ice, and told Jellybutt to get back in the bucket before passing circle off to Dizzy who wrapped things up nice and cleanly. We all snagged a beer for the road before jumping back on the hash bus and heading back to The Thistle Bar.
All in all it was a grand experience and well worth my journey to Pattaya. Best hash in Asia so far!
Now, you may be wondering why I've gone into so much detail about circle. Well, at the beginning of circle Dizzy was looking for a scribe. No volunteers, so since I knew I would be blogging this anyway, I figured I could do the job with some degree of inefficiency. I've been pecking it together for the past 3 days through the beer haze of my mind. Who needs notes!?
Chiang Mai Post Lube
So, Mount Hee, Bimbo and myself caught a ride up with a fellow hasher and his wife up to Chiang Mai for the Indochina post lube.
Brilliant, perhaps this will help offset my disgust at Indochina 2008 itself!
We arrived and Mount Hee and myself snagged a double bed room at a guest house for only 300 baht total. Hanging out our soaked clothes from the rain we got our hash gear on and headed over to the Number 1 Bar to catch the bus to the run start.
Well, one of the run starts. It turns out that both the standard Chiang Mai hash and the Chiang Mai H3 (original, male only) were hosting trails that day. Something about local hash politics... bleh.
Nevermind, I ponied up the remainder of my baht for the trail (700 baht for a trail? wtf?), ordered a beer and waited for the hash bus to arrive. Mount Hee did the same, then, with a miscommunication between the hash cash, ordered the largest beer at the bar, thinking it was free. It should be mentioned that as budgeted as I am (which is why the cost of hashing in Asia has been a horrible shock to me), Mount Hee is even worse. I will swing 100 baht to a meal (roughly 3 bucks) and Mount Hee is grimicing at anything over 70. It's actually a little frustrating because every half penny is getting counted and I can't be bothered with it.
Ok, on to trail.
The bus took us out into the jungles of Thailand, about a half hour trip from the center of Chiang Mai. It turned out to be a special trail because the land was owned by a man who does organic farming and he's never let the hash hold trail there before. Even better was that this was PURE jungle. Most of what we hashed through was more than likely not frequented by humans.
The hares, Liberace, Graven Image and Grease Gorilla put us through our paces with tricky checks and shredded paper dancing akimbo from tree branches, bamboo and bird nets!
Of course right off the bat trail took us across a stream and then up an embankment that must have been in the 60 degree plus range. Combined with the rain earlier that day it turned into a giant mudslide that required us hashers to pick and pull our way up by grabbing the bamboo stalks. Simply incredible and absolutely dirty!
Once we got up on the hill, trail started to follow barely discernable animal trails that were no wider than a couple inches in some places. Still using the trees and bamboo for support, we hashed our way deep into the jungle, finally taking a left and partially sliding down to the creek we had crossed before. Only this time we had lost paper and began trudging around in high grass with who knows what sliding around between our legs. Later that night Dog Shit asked if I saw the snakes... What snakes? Oh, you know, the dozens of snakes that were getting the hell out of the water whenever we went in... Nope, didn't see them...
Eventually, with the call of "On-On!" someone found trail and we sloshed our way out of the grassy fields (did I mention the briar vines entangling our legs yet?) up to a nearby road. That's when I heard a yell of "Holy shit!" behind me. Turning around, Mount Hee was yelling about the largest damn snake he had ever seen that just slid between his legs while walking down the same path that I had just walked! We all got up on the road and a short way down we found the beer stop.
After a quick brewsky, we split up-some of the hashers going on the walking trail and the rest (myself included) on the longer running trail. Liberace informed me that there was only about 1k difference between the two, but the walkers stayed on the road from here on out while us runners got more jungle.
More jungle it was! Just a little way down the road trail suddenly cut left and we were back in the bush and trees, slipping on mud and navigating our way between thorn bush A, thorn bush B and rocky drop off C. At least twice I had grabbed a tree for support, only to yelp in pain as my hand grabbed right onto the half inch long thorns of a vine creeping up the hidden side.
Then the bird nets, where Fag, Mount Hee and myself rescued a trapped sparrow (which probably was eaten by some local wildlife afterwards anyway. These nets were made of an incredibly thing black webbing that in all honesty was completely invisible in the jungle. Immediately after freeing the bird, I ducked the bird net only to run right into another one. Fortunately I wasn't tangled and backed out to catch up with the rest of the pack.
After another few minutes I was now out of the jungle and on the road, catching up with Laos hasher Condom and then Fag. Knowing we were close and not wanting to get stuck out in the rapidly approaching dark, Fag and I shortcut part of trail and slid into the On-In where beer and kebabs waited.
There was a lot of quibble about the early part of trail being poorly marked and how it was so thick in the bush, not using any proirly established trails (animals or otherwise), but after hashing in Atlanta, I felt that this trail did quite well. An impressive showing for the Men's Hash.
Circle was another deal though, with a very promising combination of ice and a frozen in ice pig's head. However, it went on forever. It was just too long and suffered from the same -same song- fate as most of Asia's other circles. Nevertheless, there was a break in the middle of circle for everyone to go get more food (where I took the opportunity to take a nap in the bus).
The evening ended with a group photo in our new shirts and an on-after at the Foxy Lady A Go Go, which is owned by Fag. First drink free.
Very cute, tiny girls, but I'm not paying to bring one home. I'm not sure where they've been and I'm sure they have been to a lot of places. With another 2-3 months left on my trip, I don't feel like dealing with fire penis. Fair enough, the next day was another post-lube with the Chiang Mai Bunny Hash.
After securing another place to stay for a few days (Mount Hee left that morning) I jogged over to the Number 1 bar and hopped on the bus for round two of hashing. This time the trip was in a completely different direction, about 45 minutes out and we landed at the home of a hasher named Bone-Her. Great house with a pool, guest house, pool table room and frog pond. It was on a huge plot of land and had roman-esque decorating everywhere. Having already paid the 250 baht for this trail (ok, this is a little better), I found out that if I wanted any food, it would be another 150 baht...
They also had shirts, but having now paid 400 for trail alone, I just didn't feel like ponying up another 250 baht. Besides, I'm running out of room in my bag.
Trail itself was pretty well done. The hares had marked everything exceedingly well, taking us up footpaths and animal paths in the hills behind Bone-Her's. However, this was an extremely well hashed area and the FRB's did a premiere job of solving every check on the first go, which left us middle folk quickly falling further back.
Then it happened, somewhere along the way one of the FRB's broke a check in the wrong direction. As Noriega, Lord Lucan and myself tried to figure it out we went all the way up a hill to a watt (thai monk monestary) where there was a statue of a huge buddha being built, and then down a road... All of a sudden we were alone, getting caught in a mix where the non-male hash had their trail the day prior. Trekking further and further down a road, following paper that turned out to not be the right trail, and eventually finding the prior day's On-In before back tracking and still getting no where. Eventually Lord Lucan decided to simply follow the road in a "generally accurate" direction and we followed to find paper about a half mile down the way.
Now back on trail we ran it in, discovering that in our confusion most of the pack had now passed us and after our arrival only about 5 or 6 other hashers had to come in.
Circle began as before, minus the pig's head. It was lively and a huge improvement, but still the same bloody song. Then we broke for food, some excellent soup and more of the kebabs from the prior night. Garlic bread too!
After eating, circle started up again with its various highs and lows. I guess the reason it went well was because they weren't afraid to pass it off to others. With about 40-50 hashers there it gave a great chance for everyone to get their various infractions in. Bonus.
At the end, we all returned to the Number 1 bar for another couple of beers before calling it a night. All in all, a good hash.
Next up, Pattaya Beach City, Thailand.
Brilliant, perhaps this will help offset my disgust at Indochina 2008 itself!
We arrived and Mount Hee and myself snagged a double bed room at a guest house for only 300 baht total. Hanging out our soaked clothes from the rain we got our hash gear on and headed over to the Number 1 Bar to catch the bus to the run start.
Well, one of the run starts. It turns out that both the standard Chiang Mai hash and the Chiang Mai H3 (original, male only) were hosting trails that day. Something about local hash politics... bleh.
Nevermind, I ponied up the remainder of my baht for the trail (700 baht for a trail? wtf?), ordered a beer and waited for the hash bus to arrive. Mount Hee did the same, then, with a miscommunication between the hash cash, ordered the largest beer at the bar, thinking it was free. It should be mentioned that as budgeted as I am (which is why the cost of hashing in Asia has been a horrible shock to me), Mount Hee is even worse. I will swing 100 baht to a meal (roughly 3 bucks) and Mount Hee is grimicing at anything over 70. It's actually a little frustrating because every half penny is getting counted and I can't be bothered with it.
Ok, on to trail.
The bus took us out into the jungles of Thailand, about a half hour trip from the center of Chiang Mai. It turned out to be a special trail because the land was owned by a man who does organic farming and he's never let the hash hold trail there before. Even better was that this was PURE jungle. Most of what we hashed through was more than likely not frequented by humans.
The hares, Liberace, Graven Image and Grease Gorilla put us through our paces with tricky checks and shredded paper dancing akimbo from tree branches, bamboo and bird nets!
Of course right off the bat trail took us across a stream and then up an embankment that must have been in the 60 degree plus range. Combined with the rain earlier that day it turned into a giant mudslide that required us hashers to pick and pull our way up by grabbing the bamboo stalks. Simply incredible and absolutely dirty!
Once we got up on the hill, trail started to follow barely discernable animal trails that were no wider than a couple inches in some places. Still using the trees and bamboo for support, we hashed our way deep into the jungle, finally taking a left and partially sliding down to the creek we had crossed before. Only this time we had lost paper and began trudging around in high grass with who knows what sliding around between our legs. Later that night Dog Shit asked if I saw the snakes... What snakes? Oh, you know, the dozens of snakes that were getting the hell out of the water whenever we went in... Nope, didn't see them...
Eventually, with the call of "On-On!" someone found trail and we sloshed our way out of the grassy fields (did I mention the briar vines entangling our legs yet?) up to a nearby road. That's when I heard a yell of "Holy shit!" behind me. Turning around, Mount Hee was yelling about the largest damn snake he had ever seen that just slid between his legs while walking down the same path that I had just walked! We all got up on the road and a short way down we found the beer stop.
After a quick brewsky, we split up-some of the hashers going on the walking trail and the rest (myself included) on the longer running trail. Liberace informed me that there was only about 1k difference between the two, but the walkers stayed on the road from here on out while us runners got more jungle.
More jungle it was! Just a little way down the road trail suddenly cut left and we were back in the bush and trees, slipping on mud and navigating our way between thorn bush A, thorn bush B and rocky drop off C. At least twice I had grabbed a tree for support, only to yelp in pain as my hand grabbed right onto the half inch long thorns of a vine creeping up the hidden side.
Then the bird nets, where Fag, Mount Hee and myself rescued a trapped sparrow (which probably was eaten by some local wildlife afterwards anyway. These nets were made of an incredibly thing black webbing that in all honesty was completely invisible in the jungle. Immediately after freeing the bird, I ducked the bird net only to run right into another one. Fortunately I wasn't tangled and backed out to catch up with the rest of the pack.
After another few minutes I was now out of the jungle and on the road, catching up with Laos hasher Condom and then Fag. Knowing we were close and not wanting to get stuck out in the rapidly approaching dark, Fag and I shortcut part of trail and slid into the On-In where beer and kebabs waited.
There was a lot of quibble about the early part of trail being poorly marked and how it was so thick in the bush, not using any proirly established trails (animals or otherwise), but after hashing in Atlanta, I felt that this trail did quite well. An impressive showing for the Men's Hash.
Circle was another deal though, with a very promising combination of ice and a frozen in ice pig's head. However, it went on forever. It was just too long and suffered from the same -same song- fate as most of Asia's other circles. Nevertheless, there was a break in the middle of circle for everyone to go get more food (where I took the opportunity to take a nap in the bus).
The evening ended with a group photo in our new shirts and an on-after at the Foxy Lady A Go Go, which is owned by Fag. First drink free.
Very cute, tiny girls, but I'm not paying to bring one home. I'm not sure where they've been and I'm sure they have been to a lot of places. With another 2-3 months left on my trip, I don't feel like dealing with fire penis. Fair enough, the next day was another post-lube with the Chiang Mai Bunny Hash.
After securing another place to stay for a few days (Mount Hee left that morning) I jogged over to the Number 1 bar and hopped on the bus for round two of hashing. This time the trip was in a completely different direction, about 45 minutes out and we landed at the home of a hasher named Bone-Her. Great house with a pool, guest house, pool table room and frog pond. It was on a huge plot of land and had roman-esque decorating everywhere. Having already paid the 250 baht for this trail (ok, this is a little better), I found out that if I wanted any food, it would be another 150 baht...
They also had shirts, but having now paid 400 for trail alone, I just didn't feel like ponying up another 250 baht. Besides, I'm running out of room in my bag.
Trail itself was pretty well done. The hares had marked everything exceedingly well, taking us up footpaths and animal paths in the hills behind Bone-Her's. However, this was an extremely well hashed area and the FRB's did a premiere job of solving every check on the first go, which left us middle folk quickly falling further back.
Then it happened, somewhere along the way one of the FRB's broke a check in the wrong direction. As Noriega, Lord Lucan and myself tried to figure it out we went all the way up a hill to a watt (thai monk monestary) where there was a statue of a huge buddha being built, and then down a road... All of a sudden we were alone, getting caught in a mix where the non-male hash had their trail the day prior. Trekking further and further down a road, following paper that turned out to not be the right trail, and eventually finding the prior day's On-In before back tracking and still getting no where. Eventually Lord Lucan decided to simply follow the road in a "generally accurate" direction and we followed to find paper about a half mile down the way.
Now back on trail we ran it in, discovering that in our confusion most of the pack had now passed us and after our arrival only about 5 or 6 other hashers had to come in.
Circle began as before, minus the pig's head. It was lively and a huge improvement, but still the same bloody song. Then we broke for food, some excellent soup and more of the kebabs from the prior night. Garlic bread too!
After eating, circle started up again with its various highs and lows. I guess the reason it went well was because they weren't afraid to pass it off to others. With about 40-50 hashers there it gave a great chance for everyone to get their various infractions in. Bonus.
At the end, we all returned to the Number 1 bar for another couple of beers before calling it a night. All in all, a good hash.
Next up, Pattaya Beach City, Thailand.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Mekong Indochina 2008 pt. 2
I woke up on my hotel bed at roughly 9:30, a wicked 3 hours of sleep from the prior night's drinking. Thankfully I am pretty adept at avoiding hangovers, so despite being direly dehydrated, I was headache free. Throwing my hash gear on, I exited the hotel and found a local food establishment where I enjoyed a bowl of noodle soup for roughly 25 baht, picked up a giant bottle of water at a neighboring stall and then hopped over to the hash bus pick-up spot to get to trail.
Unfortunately a poorly written timeline in the event guide had about 30 of us waiting for a 10 a.m. bus that didn't exist. Not being sleepy anymore I continued to down water and sports drinks to prepare for my trail of choice: long.
There was a medely of trails available for different hashers. Each leaving at different times and each of varying lengths.
23k ball buster
13k long
8-9k medium
5k short (walker) trail.
Having spent so much of the previous night drinking into the morning, I knew I wasn't up to the ball buster, so I jumped on the long bus that arrived at 1 p.m. and was taken to trail in the middle of Old City Sukothai.
We were all handed bottles of water at the start of trail, the hares being informed by mismanagement that they would not have a water stop despite the incredibly hot and humid weather (think Atlanta in the summer). So, we took off into the jungle, following small animal paths past thorny vines and twisty trees. Bamboo spines hurt!
Clearing past the jungle we entered a massive stretch of rice paddies. Running along the dirt mounds that separated the fields, the clouds broke open and the sun rained down with an oppressive heat that left me cursing the hares for not having a water stop.
Then came the cows, large groups that liked to chase hashers as we jumped over electric fences to follow trail. It was amazing, it was surreal, it really just needed a water stop.
When I started getting a touch light headed, I knew it was time to slow it down. We were about 4k into trail and I paused on a grassy knoll trying to find the best way across the small stream (and enjoying a minute of shade). That's when it happened. I felt a strong shock that damn near made my legs collapse from under me. I had mistakenly stopped atop a knocked down part of the electric fence.
I warned the couple of hashers immediately behind me and crossed the stream, reverting to a walk for the next 5k. That fence drained me of almost all my energy, as well it should. The thing needs to stop cattle, right?
After leaving the rice fields and entering a small grouping of houses, me and my walking buddy turned a corner to see the most amazing sight, a water stop! While waiting at the On-In the hares got a call from one of mismanagement asking where they wanted the water. Not expecting such a thing, they immediately jumped in a car and picked a spot, getting the water there only 10 minutes before the FRB's of the long trail. Quickly downing several bottles I was then pointed in the direction of trail and told it was only about 3k more to the end. With my energy returning, I started out in a jog, before building to my previous running speed to the end.
All in all, it was a good trail that I wish I could have enjoyed a bit more.
Of course the on-in was another story. The beer was relegated to two taps where the Tiger girls were again dispensing. This led to an incredible back-up in the beer line. Combine that with a lack of enough post-hash snacks for the long and ball buster trail hashers and things got irritating for a lot of people.
Then circle.
The ice was lined up, about 10 blocks in all, side by side. This forced circle to be a giant oval with a mud pit for the center. The event runners had an incredibly difficult time keeping control of circle, if only because they spent time honoring themselves and people from their hash, but never opened it up to others. Combine that with the same hash song being sung over and over and over and over and over and over again, "Here's to ..., he/she/they are blue, they are hashers through and through, they are piss pots so we say, never get to heaven in a long long way..."
After about ten minutes of this, anyone who wasn't part of the group running the event simply felt ignored and left out. The Copenhagen hash contingent tried to liven things up, but got shut down by the circle master. One aspiring hasher ran in and put HIMSELF on the ice to try and bring some level of entertainment to the event only to be told, "Get the fuck out of my circle."
No humor here, circle was long, incredibly boring and quite frankly, sucked.
From what I hear, the mismanagement got an earful from many a hasher that night, which might explain why they were having dinner at their own separate table, away from the entertainment..?
The night did perk up though as after eating buffet style Thai food, several of the Pattaya hashers had gathered in a neighboring gazebo and, while not a circle, broke into many a great and unique hash song. It was lively, it was fun, it had beer!
Eventually we all got on the buses back to the Welcome site where the Tiger girls were set up to distribute beer. But, oh, wait! They were CHARGING now!?
50 baht again for a small plastic cup. Well, fuck this, was the sentiment among many a hasher and we all traveled across the street to 7-11 where we picked up large bottles of Chang Chang and Leo for 65 baht.
Of course, as time passed, the night went on, Tiger wasn't selling beer so they packed up and left and the groups dwindled down to about 10 hashers. We joined tables and once more turned on the still tapped Tiger kegs, eventually killing them. Again, not one iota of guilt after how much the event cost.
The next day was the hangover trail at a pool across from the original welcome site. This time the Tiger beer was free and we all indulged. There was food and you could get a massage for a couple hundred baht if you so desired.
Trail itself was literally a walk around the block. It was a giant bloody rectangle in the rain. I put on my feet shoes for this? Coming back to the pool area we ate and drank and were told to shut-up for circle.
Circle, for its own merit was better than the day prior if only for being short. Again, the only people recognized were from the event hosts and the same damn song was sung repeatedly.
Once circle was over, the Pattaya hash decided to hold their own circle outside of the pool area. Now things got fun! They obtained a tub of ice, sat around it and just belted out accusations and songs, passing circle around from one to another like a hot potato. They even gave me a chance to be circle master for a bit.
Now, remember Hasher Eliah, the guy from Asheville who pretended to be Canadian (British Columbia) for the entire bloody weekend? Well I got him on the ice and related the weekend's story to the circle of hashers. After the laughter died I mentioned that he wasn't named yet and if they thought it was a good time to name him. The pack said yes and started throwing out names. Canadian Bacon (it's not real), Mount Him, Fuck a Canuck, etc... Eventually Kunt Foo said "Mount Hee" (hee is Thai for pussy) and it stuck.
Sorry Ashville Hash, stole one from ya!
A gent from mismanagement came over to see what was going on and we invited him to sit on the ice, which he refused then left. I don't know, they just seemed ridiculously rude all weekend. Bah.
After the unofficial kick-ass circle, some of the Pattaya hashers found rides up to Chiang Mai for a post-lube hash the next day. I switched to another hotel where the traveling group was staying and after drinking and bantering over what was wrong with the weekend we called it a night.
Well, actually the guest house owner poked his head out and said that it was midnight and we were too loud, so we called it a night. Nice place though, and only 250 baht.
So, I did the math and the weekend cost me roughly 8000 baht after adding in the beer purchased (because, it wasn't always free), food and the extra hotel night.
That is just shy of $230. By far the most expensive hashing event weekend I have ever attended, not counting Betty Ford 2007, but that one was my own damn fault.
I hear next year will be in Burma. One can only hope that a different hash acts as event hosts and mismanagement, because I will never attend one hosted by the same people as Indochina 2008.
Unfortunately a poorly written timeline in the event guide had about 30 of us waiting for a 10 a.m. bus that didn't exist. Not being sleepy anymore I continued to down water and sports drinks to prepare for my trail of choice: long.
There was a medely of trails available for different hashers. Each leaving at different times and each of varying lengths.
23k ball buster
13k long
8-9k medium
5k short (walker) trail.
Having spent so much of the previous night drinking into the morning, I knew I wasn't up to the ball buster, so I jumped on the long bus that arrived at 1 p.m. and was taken to trail in the middle of Old City Sukothai.
We were all handed bottles of water at the start of trail, the hares being informed by mismanagement that they would not have a water stop despite the incredibly hot and humid weather (think Atlanta in the summer). So, we took off into the jungle, following small animal paths past thorny vines and twisty trees. Bamboo spines hurt!
Clearing past the jungle we entered a massive stretch of rice paddies. Running along the dirt mounds that separated the fields, the clouds broke open and the sun rained down with an oppressive heat that left me cursing the hares for not having a water stop.
Then came the cows, large groups that liked to chase hashers as we jumped over electric fences to follow trail. It was amazing, it was surreal, it really just needed a water stop.
When I started getting a touch light headed, I knew it was time to slow it down. We were about 4k into trail and I paused on a grassy knoll trying to find the best way across the small stream (and enjoying a minute of shade). That's when it happened. I felt a strong shock that damn near made my legs collapse from under me. I had mistakenly stopped atop a knocked down part of the electric fence.
I warned the couple of hashers immediately behind me and crossed the stream, reverting to a walk for the next 5k. That fence drained me of almost all my energy, as well it should. The thing needs to stop cattle, right?
After leaving the rice fields and entering a small grouping of houses, me and my walking buddy turned a corner to see the most amazing sight, a water stop! While waiting at the On-In the hares got a call from one of mismanagement asking where they wanted the water. Not expecting such a thing, they immediately jumped in a car and picked a spot, getting the water there only 10 minutes before the FRB's of the long trail. Quickly downing several bottles I was then pointed in the direction of trail and told it was only about 3k more to the end. With my energy returning, I started out in a jog, before building to my previous running speed to the end.
All in all, it was a good trail that I wish I could have enjoyed a bit more.
Of course the on-in was another story. The beer was relegated to two taps where the Tiger girls were again dispensing. This led to an incredible back-up in the beer line. Combine that with a lack of enough post-hash snacks for the long and ball buster trail hashers and things got irritating for a lot of people.
Then circle.
The ice was lined up, about 10 blocks in all, side by side. This forced circle to be a giant oval with a mud pit for the center. The event runners had an incredibly difficult time keeping control of circle, if only because they spent time honoring themselves and people from their hash, but never opened it up to others. Combine that with the same hash song being sung over and over and over and over and over and over again, "Here's to ..., he/she/they are blue, they are hashers through and through, they are piss pots so we say, never get to heaven in a long long way..."
After about ten minutes of this, anyone who wasn't part of the group running the event simply felt ignored and left out. The Copenhagen hash contingent tried to liven things up, but got shut down by the circle master. One aspiring hasher ran in and put HIMSELF on the ice to try and bring some level of entertainment to the event only to be told, "Get the fuck out of my circle."
No humor here, circle was long, incredibly boring and quite frankly, sucked.
From what I hear, the mismanagement got an earful from many a hasher that night, which might explain why they were having dinner at their own separate table, away from the entertainment..?
The night did perk up though as after eating buffet style Thai food, several of the Pattaya hashers had gathered in a neighboring gazebo and, while not a circle, broke into many a great and unique hash song. It was lively, it was fun, it had beer!
Eventually we all got on the buses back to the Welcome site where the Tiger girls were set up to distribute beer. But, oh, wait! They were CHARGING now!?
50 baht again for a small plastic cup. Well, fuck this, was the sentiment among many a hasher and we all traveled across the street to 7-11 where we picked up large bottles of Chang Chang and Leo for 65 baht.
Of course, as time passed, the night went on, Tiger wasn't selling beer so they packed up and left and the groups dwindled down to about 10 hashers. We joined tables and once more turned on the still tapped Tiger kegs, eventually killing them. Again, not one iota of guilt after how much the event cost.
The next day was the hangover trail at a pool across from the original welcome site. This time the Tiger beer was free and we all indulged. There was food and you could get a massage for a couple hundred baht if you so desired.
Trail itself was literally a walk around the block. It was a giant bloody rectangle in the rain. I put on my feet shoes for this? Coming back to the pool area we ate and drank and were told to shut-up for circle.
Circle, for its own merit was better than the day prior if only for being short. Again, the only people recognized were from the event hosts and the same damn song was sung repeatedly.
Once circle was over, the Pattaya hash decided to hold their own circle outside of the pool area. Now things got fun! They obtained a tub of ice, sat around it and just belted out accusations and songs, passing circle around from one to another like a hot potato. They even gave me a chance to be circle master for a bit.
Now, remember Hasher Eliah, the guy from Asheville who pretended to be Canadian (British Columbia) for the entire bloody weekend? Well I got him on the ice and related the weekend's story to the circle of hashers. After the laughter died I mentioned that he wasn't named yet and if they thought it was a good time to name him. The pack said yes and started throwing out names. Canadian Bacon (it's not real), Mount Him, Fuck a Canuck, etc... Eventually Kunt Foo said "Mount Hee" (hee is Thai for pussy) and it stuck.
Sorry Ashville Hash, stole one from ya!
A gent from mismanagement came over to see what was going on and we invited him to sit on the ice, which he refused then left. I don't know, they just seemed ridiculously rude all weekend. Bah.
After the unofficial kick-ass circle, some of the Pattaya hashers found rides up to Chiang Mai for a post-lube hash the next day. I switched to another hotel where the traveling group was staying and after drinking and bantering over what was wrong with the weekend we called it a night.
Well, actually the guest house owner poked his head out and said that it was midnight and we were too loud, so we called it a night. Nice place though, and only 250 baht.
So, I did the math and the weekend cost me roughly 8000 baht after adding in the beer purchased (because, it wasn't always free), food and the extra hotel night.
That is just shy of $230. By far the most expensive hashing event weekend I have ever attended, not counting Betty Ford 2007, but that one was my own damn fault.
I hear next year will be in Burma. One can only hope that a different hash acts as event hosts and mismanagement, because I will never attend one hosted by the same people as Indochina 2008.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
If Asia is cheap and Hashing is cheap... Indochina pt. 1
Then why on bloody earth is hashing in Asia so damn expensive?
Seriously, across the U.S. and even most of Europe, hashes were rarely more than 5-8 dollars. Here in Thailand most trails are closer to 12. I mean, I don't know the economics of hashing in Asia as I haven't been here long enough, but last night I paid the equivalent of a night in a hotel to hash the trail. Granted you are generally fed along with the beer, but it still doesn't add up.
A bit of simple math if you want to calculate the prices as I write them. $1 is roughly 35 baht, give or take a couple baht. If you do the math, you'll see why I am pissed off.
It should be noted, that despite the very negative tone of this post, I was incredibly composed during the event and outside of feeling like my wallet was raped like the cellmate of a guy named Bubba in a maximum security prison, I met many very cool hashers and saw some great trails.
I just felt it wasn't worth the couple hundred bucks I had to cough up for it.
Ok, on to Mekong Indochina 2008.
I caught a bus up to Sukothai after spending a couple days in Bangkok. I was unable to hash with them as finding my guest house took me exceedingly long, but I did get to meet a few of the Bangkok hashers at Noriega's, a bar owned by a hasher named... Noriega. We kicked back a few beers and chatted for a couple hours before I called it a night, got ripped off by a taxi to the guest house (he wanted 500 baht, I talked him down to 350, turns out it should have cost closer to 200...). Then headed up to Sukothai the next day.
Arriving with roughly two hours before the first night's events, I walked into registration and was basically assaulted for not rego-ing on the website months ahead of time. Well, fuck you, it said in plain english on the website that we were more than welcome to rego on-site after the online registration closed.
I even e-mailed the presiding GM before leaving Switzerland 3 days prior to let her know I was coming and if there was anything I should know, to which I never recieved a response.
This only compounded the fact I was missing the Red Dress Run that I paid 800 baht for on my way in. Sure, we'll take your money, never mind that we've already done trail and are having circle now... Whatever, charity, right?
Anyways, I with rego a complete clusterfuck (from people I talked to, even the pre-regs were having trouble at sign-in), I saw a hasher saying that if anyone needed a room, to go to him.
I walked over, and he (very lucky I don't remember his hash name because I have never been treated so rudely) asked if I had pre-registered online. I said no, he said, "Well, why not?" Then continued that since I didn't register yet he couldn't help me before basically telling me to go away.
Ok, so this guy is a complete dick, whatever. I finally get up to the registration/sign in desk and they give me a form to fill out and take my...
3500 baht.
I see a spot at the bottom of the rego that says if I need a room (great, I do!) I can pay an extra 500 baht and they will get one for me. I ask if they can still do this, they say, "yes." so I fill it in and they take another 500 baht from me.
Total event cost so far (including the 350 baht bus trip from Bangkok) is now 5500 baht.
They send me over to asshole hasher running the hotel stuff and he AGAIN tells me that since I didn't pre-reg online I am basically shit out of luck and then asks me AGAIN why I didn't pre-reg.
Sorry fuck-tard, but I ONLY FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS EVENT 3 DAYS AGO. I know I am in Thailand, but your dumb ass obviously speaks english well enough to understand the words coming out of my mouth if you cared to remember them.
Then he shows me a map of the area and says I can "try here, but you better hurry because the bus leaves in 20 minutes." Then tells me I SHOULD HAVE PRE REGISTERED ONLINE.
At this point I am ready to punch this dick in the throat and beat him over the head with his laptop.
Mind you, they never bothered to refund me the extra 500 baht I paid for him to show me a fucking map.
So, I put my bag on, haul ass down the street and run into a couple hashers who point me in the direction of a better and cheaper place that is also much closer. I go, pay for 2 nights (cost, 500 baht), throw on my red dress under my clothes and run back to the welcome site only to find the RDR circle had finished only a few minutes prior while I was getting my room. Woot...
I go to the beer area for a much needed beer, only to discover they are CHARGING FOR BEER!? 50 baht a cup.
Ok, it's day one, I have already spent 6000 baht and I am getting charged for beer? Class, can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture?
So, still wearing my red dress under my clothes I get on the bus to the first night's event. If you attended the train to Chiang Mai for Interhash 2006, it was the same thing. Great traditional Thai food, a spectacular showcase put on by the city, speech by the mayor, etc.
This had the chance to improve my mood with only one flaw. No beer at the event. I guess regs were changed recently that barred alcohol from the old city site. Here I met Hasher Eliah (sp?), a chap from the Carolina's who had only started hashing a couple months prior. Having the being young and from the U.S. thing in common, we took a seat and watched the show. Much like Europe, almost every hasher I have met so far is over 40. Unlike Europe, there are a lot of expats with younger Asian ladies for girlfriends or wives. It's a cultural thing, I am not dismissing it, but just making a note. Please don't take those past couple sentences as a negative.
Ok, back to the event.
We arrived back at the welcome site where the beer was flowing, this time for free. There was a trio of singers/dancers on a small stage (including an incredibly cute Philippina of Spanish descent named Francesca who I got the opportunity to chat with later), and things seemed to settle into standard hash mingling, with the one exception being that when the dancers/singers left and the hashers took turns on stage, the crowd just didn't seem to care about being involved.
As people left, Eliah, Bimbo, a couple other hashers and myself were sitting around with the last of the beer in pitchers on the table just chatting into the night. The taps were closed by the Tiger Beer girls earlier in the night. As we ran out of beer, Eliah went to take a piss and on his way back discovered that the kegs were not untapped, only turned off. So, without an inkling of guilt (6000 baht, remember), we turned the taps back on and continued to drink until the early morning... At some point in the night someone asked the now drunk and heavily swearing Eliah where he was from.
Before he could answer, I jumped in and said he was from Canada. This began an entire weekend of Eliah pretending to be a "fucking Canadian, eh!" I will get back to that later.
Bimbo also recognized that we were the only ones left, so he suggested I create a group on Hashspace to celebrate those who continue to drink, even after everyone else has left. I thought up the name, L.O.St (Last Ones Standing) and made a point to create the group next time I was on Hashspace.
At roughly 4 a.m. we all parted ways back to our hotels to ready for trail at 1 p.m. the next day.
Seriously, across the U.S. and even most of Europe, hashes were rarely more than 5-8 dollars. Here in Thailand most trails are closer to 12. I mean, I don't know the economics of hashing in Asia as I haven't been here long enough, but last night I paid the equivalent of a night in a hotel to hash the trail. Granted you are generally fed along with the beer, but it still doesn't add up.
A bit of simple math if you want to calculate the prices as I write them. $1 is roughly 35 baht, give or take a couple baht. If you do the math, you'll see why I am pissed off.
It should be noted, that despite the very negative tone of this post, I was incredibly composed during the event and outside of feeling like my wallet was raped like the cellmate of a guy named Bubba in a maximum security prison, I met many very cool hashers and saw some great trails.
I just felt it wasn't worth the couple hundred bucks I had to cough up for it.
Ok, on to Mekong Indochina 2008.
I caught a bus up to Sukothai after spending a couple days in Bangkok. I was unable to hash with them as finding my guest house took me exceedingly long, but I did get to meet a few of the Bangkok hashers at Noriega's, a bar owned by a hasher named... Noriega. We kicked back a few beers and chatted for a couple hours before I called it a night, got ripped off by a taxi to the guest house (he wanted 500 baht, I talked him down to 350, turns out it should have cost closer to 200...). Then headed up to Sukothai the next day.
Arriving with roughly two hours before the first night's events, I walked into registration and was basically assaulted for not rego-ing on the website months ahead of time. Well, fuck you, it said in plain english on the website that we were more than welcome to rego on-site after the online registration closed.
I even e-mailed the presiding GM before leaving Switzerland 3 days prior to let her know I was coming and if there was anything I should know, to which I never recieved a response.
This only compounded the fact I was missing the Red Dress Run that I paid 800 baht for on my way in. Sure, we'll take your money, never mind that we've already done trail and are having circle now... Whatever, charity, right?
Anyways, I with rego a complete clusterfuck (from people I talked to, even the pre-regs were having trouble at sign-in), I saw a hasher saying that if anyone needed a room, to go to him.
I walked over, and he (very lucky I don't remember his hash name because I have never been treated so rudely) asked if I had pre-registered online. I said no, he said, "Well, why not?" Then continued that since I didn't register yet he couldn't help me before basically telling me to go away.
Ok, so this guy is a complete dick, whatever. I finally get up to the registration/sign in desk and they give me a form to fill out and take my...
3500 baht.
I see a spot at the bottom of the rego that says if I need a room (great, I do!) I can pay an extra 500 baht and they will get one for me. I ask if they can still do this, they say, "yes." so I fill it in and they take another 500 baht from me.
Total event cost so far (including the 350 baht bus trip from Bangkok) is now 5500 baht.
They send me over to asshole hasher running the hotel stuff and he AGAIN tells me that since I didn't pre-reg online I am basically shit out of luck and then asks me AGAIN why I didn't pre-reg.
Sorry fuck-tard, but I ONLY FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS EVENT 3 DAYS AGO. I know I am in Thailand, but your dumb ass obviously speaks english well enough to understand the words coming out of my mouth if you cared to remember them.
Then he shows me a map of the area and says I can "try here, but you better hurry because the bus leaves in 20 minutes." Then tells me I SHOULD HAVE PRE REGISTERED ONLINE.
At this point I am ready to punch this dick in the throat and beat him over the head with his laptop.
Mind you, they never bothered to refund me the extra 500 baht I paid for him to show me a fucking map.
So, I put my bag on, haul ass down the street and run into a couple hashers who point me in the direction of a better and cheaper place that is also much closer. I go, pay for 2 nights (cost, 500 baht), throw on my red dress under my clothes and run back to the welcome site only to find the RDR circle had finished only a few minutes prior while I was getting my room. Woot...
I go to the beer area for a much needed beer, only to discover they are CHARGING FOR BEER!? 50 baht a cup.
Ok, it's day one, I have already spent 6000 baht and I am getting charged for beer? Class, can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture?
So, still wearing my red dress under my clothes I get on the bus to the first night's event. If you attended the train to Chiang Mai for Interhash 2006, it was the same thing. Great traditional Thai food, a spectacular showcase put on by the city, speech by the mayor, etc.
This had the chance to improve my mood with only one flaw. No beer at the event. I guess regs were changed recently that barred alcohol from the old city site. Here I met Hasher Eliah (sp?), a chap from the Carolina's who had only started hashing a couple months prior. Having the being young and from the U.S. thing in common, we took a seat and watched the show. Much like Europe, almost every hasher I have met so far is over 40. Unlike Europe, there are a lot of expats with younger Asian ladies for girlfriends or wives. It's a cultural thing, I am not dismissing it, but just making a note. Please don't take those past couple sentences as a negative.
Ok, back to the event.
We arrived back at the welcome site where the beer was flowing, this time for free. There was a trio of singers/dancers on a small stage (including an incredibly cute Philippina of Spanish descent named Francesca who I got the opportunity to chat with later), and things seemed to settle into standard hash mingling, with the one exception being that when the dancers/singers left and the hashers took turns on stage, the crowd just didn't seem to care about being involved.
As people left, Eliah, Bimbo, a couple other hashers and myself were sitting around with the last of the beer in pitchers on the table just chatting into the night. The taps were closed by the Tiger Beer girls earlier in the night. As we ran out of beer, Eliah went to take a piss and on his way back discovered that the kegs were not untapped, only turned off. So, without an inkling of guilt (6000 baht, remember), we turned the taps back on and continued to drink until the early morning... At some point in the night someone asked the now drunk and heavily swearing Eliah where he was from.
Before he could answer, I jumped in and said he was from Canada. This began an entire weekend of Eliah pretending to be a "fucking Canadian, eh!" I will get back to that later.
Bimbo also recognized that we were the only ones left, so he suggested I create a group on Hashspace to celebrate those who continue to drink, even after everyone else has left. I thought up the name, L.O.St (Last Ones Standing) and made a point to create the group next time I was on Hashspace.
At roughly 4 a.m. we all parted ways back to our hotels to ready for trail at 1 p.m. the next day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
