From the Cradle to the Grave

This post has two parts. The first is me talking about the shitty airline (Cebu Pacific) that I took a flight over from Hong Kong to Philippines on.
If you would rather not read about me bitching and moaning, skip to part 2 and read about my first hash in the Philippines with Subic Bay H3!
So I have my ticket to Clark Airport, which is near Subic Bay, Philippines. I booked it online in Macau. No problem, right? Wrong!
I arrive at the airport. There's roughly an hour fifteen before the flight leaves. I get to the check in desk and it is overrun with passengers for the flight after mine. Apparently Cebu Pacific decided that they would start taking in all passengers for all flights at the same desk at the same time. I wait for twenty minutes before one guy who works the desk asks which flight I am on, and tells me to jump to the front of the line. Here I thought everyone was on the same flight as I was and they were just backed up...
Then, I get to the check-in counter and they tell me that I can't board the plane without a return flight. Well, I don't want to go back to Hong Kong. They tell me I need printed proof of a return ticket or I won't get past immigration in Philippines. I said I don't, I have an American passport and I'm good for a 21 day visa upon arrival.
They refuse to give me my boarding pass, send me to the other side of the check-in building to buy a return ticket. Ok, fine you bastards. I'll buy the ticket and cancel it for a refund when I get there.
Not so simple.
It seems that I need to cancel the ticket in Manila, which is a four hour drive from where I'm staying in Philippines. This is complete bullshit.
I now have a $210 charge on my credit card for a ticket I don't want and am pretty sure I don't need.
I sprint for the terminal, speed through security (fortunately it's lax since I'm in Asia) and get to the plane 5 minutes before take-off. There are still 6 people behind me who are going through whatever bullshit Cebu Pacific put them through (this includes one German guy who has a ticket to someplace else but Cebu tells him he needs a return flight).
The airplane is dirty. Floss pik on the floor under my seat, someone's cracker crumbs and what looks like grated cheese on the seat next to mine... Then in the middle of the flight they announce a Christmas carol contest.
I want to stab people.
The plane arrives, of course I don't need any printed proof of a return flight. They lied to me and forced me to buy a ticket I didn't need and will have a difficult time getting a refund on.
I call my bank to stop the charge, they can't file dispute until the charge goes though, just effin' great...
I get online to Cebu's website, I try to cancel the flight for refund, I can't because the ticket wasn't purchased online. I call the airline number on the website, they won't cancel the flight because I bought it in the terminal.
I ask for the phone number to the place I need to cancel it at in Manila (to see if I can do it over the phone) and the line drops on their side.
I call back and the line drops again half-way through getting the phone number.
So now I'm stuck with an over $200 charge on my card and very little recourse in fixing the problem save wait until the charge is filed on my CC statement (it's currently pending) and then file a dispute with Bank of America to try and get my money back.
Not happy.

Ok, on to PART TWO

I arrive in Clark airport and get picked up by Special Ed, we go to his place in Barrio Barretto (sp?), drop my bags, I change and we jet to the hash which starts every week at a bar roughly 5 minutes from his place. Introductions are made, I purchase a couple patches and order a beer. I'm the youngest guy by far, but as I've mentioned before the hash is ageless.
We all (roughly 25) jump in the back of a large pick-up style truck and get lifted to the start somewhere down the way (I haven't figured out direction in this place yet).
When we do take off, it's straight up a hill and through a squatters backyard. We crest on the ridge and do a straight shot along the ridgeline before dropping down to the top of a cemetery.
Now, let me tell you something about cemetery's in the Philippines. They are above ground tombs that are randomly clustered on a hillside. There are walls separating the tombs (sometimes) and the occasional path snaking down. These paths are not for certain and do not lead to every tomb. There is nothing in the way of sense of order or design, they just throw them up as they go along.
So we're hashing down this cemetery and at points all you can do is hop from wall to tomb to ground to tomb, etc.
I'm doing my little free-running bit, really enjoying the exercise of finding the right spot to land and picking where to go next. I'm a touch off trail, but Special Ed is with me and we're heading in the right general direction (we're also hardcore FRB's at this point).
That's when it happens. I'm jumping from the top of one tomb to the next and when I land the portion directly under my feet caves in and I fall in up to my waist with a loud, "Ow."
I pull myself out, SpEd's taking a picture of my debacle while saying, "See, that's why I was staying on the walls. I understand the quality level of workmanship in the Philippines."
Oh, thanks for telling me that NOW!
I am understandably cautious and find the remaining descent from the cemetary to be a bit more precarious. We finally get to the bottom and trail moves down past a lighthouse and along the beach.
When trail was set, the water was at low tide, it's now rising and we begin to reach points where you can no longer follow trail while keeping your shoes dry. It goes along the beach for a good long while, following the coastline before jumping back up to the main road and then cutting over to the On-In, Arizona Bar & Grill.
While waiting for the majority of pack to arrive, I clean off my bloody leg (crashing through poor concrete tends to do a number on the shins) and bandage it before grabbing a beer. It was a good 9k or so trail and given the rampant zombie attack, I can say my arrival to Philippines hashing was a success!
Circle of course consisted of a return to block ice and some great tales from the trail. GM Roadwhore did a splendid job punishing rank offenders while Lollipop Hemorrhoid kept private conversation in the small group to a minimum. With Cujo at the singing helm (including a number of numbers I've never heard before!), circle was great.
The major difference here is the ice check. Keeping in mind that hashers here tend to be older with much younger Philippine girlfriends, they tend to celebrate this fact.
After a down-down is given on the ice (and particulary for the females), when the person gets up, their significant other will lick the ice block those bare behinds have been on.
Being without attachment, I was spared participation in this event.
Now, during circle they have a raffle. People can bring in small items of whatever value and then purchase raffle tickets for a fairly cheap price before circle. These are then raffled off with the money going to the hash. The items aren't typically much, but there is a coveted tequila shot prize, where one of the bar girls puts lime on one nipple and then salt on the other. I think you can figure out the rest of that sequence.
This time another girl won that prize, which made for a very intriguing spectacle of girl on girl nipple sucking which for all accounts was pretty damn cool.
On-On PI