Welcome to the Jungle (hash)

From my experiences with the Pattaya hashers in both Sukothai and Chiang Mai, I knew they were the group I wanted to hash with next. They seemed to know a good trail from a bad one and they could hold a kick ass circle. All in all, these were good guys.
Catching an overnight train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok (15 hours, 3rd class, sandwiched between two monks, this was an experience in its own right. It should be noted that I was the ONLY person in 3rd class who wasn't Thai. It was a bit rough at times as there was no AC and the mosquitos were rampant, but I would not call it a bad journey by any means, just uncomfortable.), I arrived only to be told that the trains to Pattaya don't run Friday through Sunday, I would have to take a bus instead. Then a worker there said they had one available and I went through the big mess of being conned into paying way too much for a minibus instead of the standard bus I wanted to take. Throw that in with the shit accomodations that they set up for me (charging 400 baht for too... that's the last time I a: let someone else set up my place to stay and b: not look at a place before staying there) and it wasn't the best start.
I took the opportunity of my first day there to walk around, get a map and just learn the area. I found the spot where the hashers meet to catch the hash bus and then headed back to my room with a 4 pack of Singha with the hopes that passing out would help alleviate where I was staying.
The next day I walked all of 5 minutes down the road and found another Guest House named Kim's that was only 100 baht a night more and I can quite frankly call it a 4 star accomodation. With what even the local hashers called a hell of a deal I booked the place for 4 nights and once again walked around, this time making it down to the beach to soak in the sun, dodge the prostitutes (they are EVERYWHERE) and just take in the atmosphere of "the eXtreme city" of Pattaya.
On Sunday I arrived at The Thistle Bar where I met up with many of the Pattaya hashers I had met at Indochina. Shiek Me Me, Shiek Bin Shaggin, Lord Lucan, Dizzy and others, including Mount Hee.
Paying the 400 baht visitor run fee (350 for locals, 250 for women...)
We jumped on the bus and headed out into the tapioca and pineapple fields of the surrounding rural areas for trail. With the bus pulling up next to a water retention basin of some sort, we walked a short way to the A site where they were unloading ice, setting up a circle of stools (sitting circle in Pattaya) and just getting ready in general.
There I met the hares, V.V. and Tampax and after a short span we set off into the tapioca trees to follow paper.
Zipping around the trees was good run, until I heard a slight buzzing in my ear and before I knew it hot fire shot into me. I was the victim of a wasp who nailed me in my left ear. I haven't been stung in a long time, but that just was incredible pain. Shiek Bin Shaggin' later told me he saw the damn thing target me, then follow me from three meters back like a damned guided missle.
By the time I shook off the pain, the running pack was well ahead and I had to work to catch up with the walkers. Regaling my tale with one of the Pattaya members, I got the response, "Welcome to Pattaya Jungle!" Boy ain't that right!
Nevertheless, I wasn't going to let one lousy wasp ruin this trail for me so I took off with a combination of following paper and shortcutting by listening to the cries of "On-On!" in the distance. Through this clever methodology I was easily able to catch up to the meat of the pack.
Eventually falling into a good pace, the trail started to divvy from the pineapple field paths and switched into the jungle. Same good jungle shiggy, much less mud than before. Thankfully the well laid trail kept our losing paper to a minimum and before I knew it, we were breaking back out into grassy fields and more pineapple. A few k more and the On-In was a welcome sight from what I could consider a great jungle run. Honor to the hares, V.V. and Tampax!
While waiting for the rest of the pack to come in, Asheville hasher Mount Hee decided to go swimming in the water basin. Umm, ok, swim away...
As he got out into the water Dizzy yelled at him to get out of the water, that they were starting a crocodile farm. Mount Hee quickly exited only to have Dizzy come up and say, "only joking mate!" Something that would come back to haunt Mount Hee in circle later that night.
With the pack now in, V.V. procured some wonderful french quisine of meatballs, rice and soup. We all noshed on the goodies for a while before Dizzy finally got circle a-goin' by calling the hares to the ice.
Now, it should be noted that Pattaya Jungle Hash is a sitting circle. They provide stools for everyone and two of the stools are pink. These are the "poofter stools" and if you get caught sitting on one, you get the bucket.
After the hare's down-down Dizzy explained his little joke to Mount Hee and after the laughter died down, he was proclaimed "the victim!" and given a fancy bonnet and girlie umbrella.
More down downs were given and Shiek Me Me took the stage with the call of "Jellybutt, in THE BUCKET!"
And there he stayed, in the bucket, while Shiek Me Me related story after story of some form or another. Then us Americans ended up on the ice for... well fucking up the world economy (sorry?). Well, at least we don't half ass stuff.
Shiek Me Me then passed circle back to Dizzy and Jellybutt got called out of the bucket. Not a second after he had rejoined circle Dizzy goes, "Jellybutt, in the bucket!"
Now, I don't know Jellybutt, but the man was getting abuse (sado?).
Circle passed hands a couple more times, with Dizzy getting us Americans on the ice again, this time for a report that came out of America that said people who drink more than 4 liters of beer a week have a greater chance for dementia. He then asked us on the ice how much we drank last week (I said, yes!), then commented on the other hashers drinking levels (I was six beers in, what do you want me to remember? Make it good!). He finished up our down-down and with Jellybutt out of the bucket and the ice empty, I was called in to have a hand in circle.
So, who did I call in? Jellybutt!
Keeping him off the ice for a moment, I asked the pack if they felt he had suffered enough. Of course not. But rather than put him in the bucket, I put him on the ice. I then called out the victim, and said that Jelly's been abused, and who gets abused more than the victim? Mount Hee, in the bucket!
I then called out the hares. You see these wankers were also the beer wenches and they had control of one of the pink poofter stools. All night they were trying to get me to sit on it, switching out my seat every time I stood up. But I am a wary and wily hasher and they failed time and time again. Their only success was when Mount Hee was on the ice and I pointed out to them that a valid opportunity was presented (yeah, I'm an advocate!).
I gave my down down, told Mount Hee to get out of the bucket and on the ice. Then I told the hares to get off the ice, and told Jellybutt to get back in the bucket before passing circle off to Dizzy who wrapped things up nice and cleanly. We all snagged a beer for the road before jumping back on the hash bus and heading back to The Thistle Bar.
All in all it was a grand experience and well worth my journey to Pattaya. Best hash in Asia so far!
Now, you may be wondering why I've gone into so much detail about circle. Well, at the beginning of circle Dizzy was looking for a scribe. No volunteers, so since I knew I would be blogging this anyway, I figured I could do the job with some degree of inefficiency. I've been pecking it together for the past 3 days through the beer haze of my mind. Who needs notes!?