Retrofit: KCH3

Been pretty busy (for a trip like this, I'm often occupied) over the past week and hadn't really had time to write about my time in Kansas City.
I arrived on a sunny Thursday after spending an overcast Wednesday driving over the Kansas plains. Lots of grass, not too much else.
I stopped in a small town and checked out the Wizard of Oz museum. A younger version of me (before the update?) enjoyed the book, but the film was never really at the top as I've never been fond of musicals (though Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street wasn't half bad). I figured it would be worth checking out anyways, and it was to a point, but far too focused on the MGM film. Turns out Frank Baum wrote 14 Oz books, only the first of which was made into a successful film. The only other one "Return to Oz" bombed pretty bad because it was so dark (Ironically I liked the second film, and it actually did quite well in Japan).

I figured I'd camp outside of Little Rock the day prior, then come in on Friday to look for hashers, but lo and behold, Have Shit, Will Travel got me in touch with his son, Next Best Thing To A Penis Ring and like that (snap fingers here), I had a place to crash for the night.
Now, Penis and his wife, No Blow Joe, are brand spankin' new parents to a 5 week old, so they started firing out e-mails to other hashers with the hopes that I'd have later and more active nights than at their place.
I of course don't mind either way. As hosts for the night they were fabulous, offering beer and a downstairs room with a never-slept-in bed (great story about that!).
Turns out when Penis and No Blow moved into their house a few months back they asked Have Shit to pick out a bed for when he and the misses visits. He did, but hasn't made it back up to Kansas yet. So, I beat Have Shit to his own bed (drink a down-down to that!)!
The next morning, I hung out with Penis to watch over the youngin' while No Blow ran some errands. Then, upon her arrival we headed (who said head?) out to get some food and drink.
Our first choice was closed for remodeling, so we detoured over to Grinderz (featured on the food network as a top dive bar!) to grub and have some fine Kansas City brewed beer. Good food, good times, an ecclectic establishment with one hell of a backyard where they often have live music. I'm talking huge, this place was larger in size than most bars I've been to in Las Vegas. That's just the outside though, the inside was about as wide and deep as the first room at Freakin' Frog.
The next night I crashed at Hasher Jeremy's place, a friend of Penis and quite the cool dude. The next morning he went to his son's football game while I jumped in the shower, then headed (wsh?) to the hash.
KCH3's hare was Chief Horse Pussy, who laid a lengthy 4-miler over roads, down sidewalks, across grass fields, over small creeks and through the woods (where grandmother likes to play?).
It was a cloudy, overcast day with rain coming down like a light mist, hardly enough to be called rain but after the first mile you were drenched from it. Something like running in the clouds.
Two beer checks later we were charging in, shoes covered in mud, dripping from sweat and mist and an overall good feeling.
A few of us ran the half mile back to the cars, changed into drier shirts and less muddy shoes, then returned to Chief and Tiajuana-do-me?'s place for circle. We went through the standard practice of hares, dfl/frb (Lucky me, FRB!? First time on an away trail!), accusasions, birthdays and the like. The one major difference (and this is the first time I've run across it after a complete circle) was no Hash Hymn #1 (Swing low...).
Oh, and there were a pair of new shoes in circle, courtesy of Get Off, I'm Next (G.O.I.N.) who shoed (yeah, shoed, not showed!) up with these slip-ons that had individual toes. It was really strange, like a second foot to wear over your own (I'm jealous, I want a pair now...). After that trail, the Natty Light was probably more like Guinness going down (eww.).
We hung out for a while until it was time to go (feel better Tiajuana!), and several of us piled in and followed through now driving rain (driving in the driving rain?) to I Iz Ez's apartment, where we hung out for a bit before jumping in her boyfriend's car (hasher, can't recall his name at the moment, please forgive me.) and headed to a bar where we set-up shop and took over the dart board with pitchers of Flying Monkey Ale and some other beer.
From there we went back to I Iz Ez's place and chowed down on McDonald's and watched The Dark Crystal.
Some left, G.O.I.N. and I stayed as we didn't really feel smart to drive and Ez and her man went to bed.
A few minutes later in pops Give The Bitch A Ring (G-Bar) saying that she's needs to piss and when she's done G.O.I.N. and I need to come out with her, Ass Packa and Hasher Aaron (? could be wrong on the name). We politely decline until she offers to pay for our drinks. Ok, sure, I'll go!
We jump in a car and head to a gay bar (what is it with hashers and gay bars?) where G-Bar get's charged a cover (ha ha!). We go in, get beer and watch cross dressers fake sing Diana Ross and Celine Dion songs (?) and what-not.
We congregate upstairs which is all hip-techno-like, drink more and chat. None of us straight guys got hit on once while there. So I figure we're either really unattractive to gay guys, or we exude an aura of straightness that's like DEET for mosquitoes on gay guys. Doesn't really matter, I go to G-Bar for more drinks. She gives me a wise-ass line, I throw one back, she says, "you're not getting laid." and I say, "wasn't in the plan."

...later on she says she plans on molesting me.

...She's far too drunk to follow through, ha!

We all go back to Ass Packa and her boyfriend's place, they're in the middle of packing to move to Scottsdale, AZ (watch out Phoenix H3!) with G-Bar. There I kick major ass at Mario Kart Wii, then they pull out a mattress for me to sleep on. G-Bar's passed out on the couch, finding out the next day she slept in dog piss. Oops!
That reminds me, more cool hash dogs, Frida (Penis and No Blow's) and Brittney (Ass Packa's boyfriend's).

The next day we drive over to I Iz Ez's to pick up the cars, I get my phone which I forgot in Ez's place (thanks Ez!), I drive around town one last time, have lunch at Town Topic, then head down South to Fayetteville, Arkansas! (Which I gave the low-down on in my last post).

Today I arrived in Little Rock, Arkansas, and in about an hour I hope to meet with some hashers for their Hump Hash. Though it doesn't look like there will be a trail (should I offer?), at least there will be drinkin'!